Perfect; this speech is cold, heartless, and apathetic, just like me.

How thoughtful, Mitt typed up this concession speech for me to read on November 6.

Let's see, what other ambassadors can I have killed?

Damn! I told Michelle she can't get Frequent Flier miles for Air Force One — but she's shill trying.

How much longer does this jobs report go on? I have a fundraising event with Jay-Z in an hour.

So many problems, so little time to blame them on Bush…

The Obama's Moving Out Check List

The Obama 4 year check list:
-Redistribution (Check)
-Bankrupt America (Check)
-Played Golf (Check)
-Apologized (Check)
-Reminded Joe to brush his teeth (Check)

How the hell can I read this without a teleprompter

"Ho hum. When will these boring requests for help from Benghazi end?"

So Hollywood wants to do a movie about some brave men who died because thier President denied them help and then went to bed and they want Denzel to star. Yeah, sounds believable to me.

Most recent position held: Destroyer of the Free World.

Professional references: Joe Biden; George Soros; Nancy Pelosi.

Last minute get aways to sunny Kenya. Perfect for our December vacation.

See Barry.. See Barry run. Run, Barry, run!

Yeah… I think this will pass as my college transcript… Nice job!

Yet another photo of the smartest man on the planet relaxing with his feet up… on a priceless Revolutionary Era White House antique.

DANG, JOE WROTE ME ANOTHER FAN MAIL LETTER, AND SIGHED IT ROMNEY, BUT I RECOGNIZE HIS GAFFES

DANG, JOE WROTE ME ANOTHER FAN MAIL LETTER, AND SIGNED IT ROMNEY, BUT I RECOGNIZE HIS GAFFES.

This work stuff makes me sleepy.

Screw this jobs report, I'm gonna take a nap.

Why do they have to have the guest house so close to the main house on every one of these Hawaiian estates? I still can't believe Michelle told her mother she can move in with us.

"Looking over Romney's economic plan, you know, it kind of makes sense after all."

Gosh, this list of golf courses that I haven't played on yet is pretty long.

Something is wrong with this report, it says we have fifty states in the United States.

Let's see if I'm defeated I need to start selling pardons, issue more executive orders and make sure MooMoo gets all her vacation time in.

Let's see I have this list of people that I can "throw under the bus" and blame for that Benghazi fiasco and lucky for me George Bush's name is on it.

Oh my gosh, according to these polling numbers, I'm going to lose in a "landslide".

Hmm. Bad jobs report, again…. this time I can use Sandy as an excuse!

"How the hell am I going to fix the economy when I can't even do my daughter's Pre-Algebra homework???"

Hurry up and take this fake picture of me giving a crap.

"Nice of NBC to go ahead and send me there mid-season schedule for approval."

Our commander in chief reading his daily security briefing… while asleep.

All this national security stuff is so borriiinggg…..zzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Where are my damn crayons when I need them most?

'Dear Barack, the "flexibility" that you promised after the election is now in question. In the event that you lose, we will turn to our mutual ally, Mr. Chavez….'

Best to let sleeping Marxists 'lie'.

"How to tie your shoes; Step One…aww screw it, that's what I pay Joe for."

"Security brief: Benghazi, additional security needed asap…Aww Bullsh!%. I'm taking a nap."

"What a nice, sunny, warm sofa. Wonder what the weather is like back in New England?"

Since the country is fucked up enough I guess I have time to read.

"Hmmm… another ambassador killed. I don't even know where this country is — it can't be that important!"

Oh Great Ala! I pray to you now because Jesus did not lower the debt…

"Security.. Briefing ..Number… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"Man, my resume really needs some work…"

Good thing this chair faces Mecca. I can do my prayer ritual and everyone will think I'm just tired from working so hard.

"My Dearest Reverend Wright — I may be looking for a new church home in a few months, and I hope you understand…."

'Business experience, last 10 years' Man, these jobs apps are ridiculously hard!

Dear Mr. Obama, we regret to inform you that your experience leading the free world still does not qualify you to run the fry station at our fine dining establishment. -McDonalds

zzzzzzzzzz… oh, what, Ambassador Stevens is requesting what?… zzzzzzzzzz

And the good little Communist, gave all his money to the evil President for the President's well-being. THE END

Getting his intelligence briefing in Arabic.

Try hard to look like I understand all the words.

Let's see how my acceptance speech for a second Nobel Peace Prize looks like

If you read the constitution with your eyes closed, you can make it say anything.

Finalizing plans to take the remainder of our kids chances to have a free America.

Great!! The blame Bush check list is finally here.

So wait, at what point in this story will the bailouts make sense?

$12M in expenses for Michelle and 40 friends' vacations over 3.5 years, uh huh, that's reasonable, especially when the taxpayers are paying for it.

I have to MEMORIZE all these responses? Why can't I use my teleprompter? I AM THE PRESIDENT.

Bus Driver, No.
Dish Washer, No.
Fast Food staff, No.
Telemarketer, Yeah, something I am actually qualified for.

Man, this Constitution crap is boring.

Damn! I told Michelle she can't get Frequent Flier miles for Air Force One — but she's still trying.

To do list:

Destroy 1st Amendment – in process
Destroy 2nd Amendment – nearly completed
Destroy 14th Amendment – check
Destroy American Economy – almost completed
Decimate American Military Strength – working
Give out freebies for votes – as always

To do list:

Bump off American Ambassadors – check
Bankrupt the country – check
Ignore terrorism and go campaigning – check
Drive up gas prices – check +
Destroy private sector – check
Kiss Ahmedinejad's hairy butt – check ++

Dear Mr. President,

I respectfully request that you arrange my return from Siberia as soon as possible after November 7th.

Sincerely,
Nancy Pelosi

Chris Stevens is going to vote for WHO? I'll show that dickweed what happens to Democrats who vote Republican!

Where in hell is the Resolute Desk? I hate putting my feet up on this IKEA shit!

Hmmm. According to Monster.com my resume is thin? What the hell does that mean?

An eviction notice? Who the hell do the American people think they are? Free?

Wow! Mitt does have a tad bit more experience than me.

Security briefings: about as much fun to read as the Constitution.

If I close my eyes and think real hard this will turn in to a golfball.

This stuff is more boring than my kids, damn.

(This desk will have to make do for my dirty shoes, since I'm not in the Oval Office to prop them up on their sacred HMS Resolute desk Queen Victoria gave them)

So these are the 'promises' I made in my first campaign?

I'm not even out of office and Joe has already submitted his resume for this job.

Even I'm bored with myself.

I've got my Communist Manifesto down to two pages.

This work makes me sleepy. I'm going golfing.

Another $4.6 million? Where the hell did she go this time?

That B!#@$ gave my girl a D-. Who cares, we'll all be on welfare in 30 years anyways.

Aaack! Reading the Obamacare bill is better than taking six sleeping pills. Maybe I'll just have Nancy Pelosi explain it to me next week.

" We the P-E-P-O…. oh.. People"

If I just close my eyes, maybe it will all go away and I can continue onto my path of destruction.

Wait a minte. You don't use cumin in roast dog. You use paparika and fresh cilantro. Stupid infidels.

Dang it, I spelled "resume" wrong again.

No opening for "prez" in Kenya again today, maybe tomorrow.

I'm glad Carter left me these instructions.

So these are the cabinet members the Secret Service identified that didn't vote for me.

I see Hoover had more on my dad than I thought.

I will not sleep until the job is done

Well… I tried…

Wow… Honey Boo Boo and I have a lot in common…

This one should only need a cat nap. When I read my ObamaCare bill, I had to sleep for three days.

Asleep at the Wheel!

Nope I can't see any constitution what are you talking about ?

GOOD MOVE BY MY SPEECH WRITERS BY CHANGING THE TOPIC FROM BENGHAZI TO BEN DOVER.

We're only taking this much taxes out of people's pay checks? They don't deserve that money! There's people that sat on their asses all day and they need your hard earned money!

Let's see… It's never too early to start my NCAA basketball picks. The public just loves to see me demean the Office of the President with appearances on The View, sports picks, and photo ops of me with rap stars in the Situation Room at the White House.

Screwing the country sure takes alot out of a person

I wonder if this transcript will fool Donald Trump

"…and Ayllah, when I open my eyes, please put me on Martha's Vineyard, playing golf."

Dear Mr. Obama: If we believe "voting's the best revenge," aren't we even greedier than those we envy so much?

Obama reviews the newest auto-signed form letter that the White House will be send to the families of our fallen military men and women.

Those pesky national security briefings sure put me to sleep… when I show up.

Damn, I hate updating my resume…I've run out of impressive sounding lies about my experience and background.

Oh, so THAT'S what the Constitution says. Hm…

List of people to pardon on January 19, 2013

1. Mumia Abu-Jamal…

Go away, I'm busy.

Always review your resume after getting fired.

Okay Michelle, settle down. We can take two planes to Hawaii. I know you need the extra room for your clothes and shoes.