Shame on you, America, for believing my hope and change bullshit a second time.

Yes, I believe I am gay. I mean I believe in gay marriage.

That guy in jail broke parole…it had nothing to do with Benghazi like we said, but he did break parole.

"And you see this finger? You don't even wanna know what I'm going to do to the American people with this."

Woa, hold it right there, I'm in my second term now, it's not like I'll ever need your damn vote again.

One more term, that's all I need…One life term.

And now I reveal my master plan…let me get my pocket-sized Communist Manifesto out first.

Now let me read a few selections from my pocket-sized Communist Manifesto.

Hold on…can't make my victory speech until they finish setting up my teleprompter.

Now wait just a minute while I try to figure out what to say without stumbling over my words, again.

Bend over America.

Without me getting four more years, you all wouldn't have a place to write captions for me.

You all are screwed because I'm not running again in 2016 so if you thought I was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet.

In 2016, I want to endorse Hillary Clinton for president because Joe Biden is an idiot and prone to gaffes.

Boy, you people are real stupid. I screwed up the economy so bad, I wouldn't have voted for me.

You people can forget all those promises I made because I have my own agenda and America is screwed.

007 (X over the 7) 000

Double O Nothing

During my last term I ran the debt up high enough to reach that ceiling. During the next term you suckers get to pay it all back.

Under Obamacare everyone will be required to have an annual rectal exam so we can be sure you're not hiding any taxable income.

. Think of something hurry hurry. If brains were bullshit I would be briilant . Thats it bullshit.

Once bitten twice shy.

Oops, I just put my hand in my own pocket instead of yours.

Wait a minute..my tee time is being changed. I need to get this important information.

No, Myanmar has only one golf course. That's why I have to go to Thailand and Cambodia too next month.

Remember, I go home on Air Force 1.
If yours is not foreclosed on yet, use a hybrid or beeter yet,a bicycle.

Remember, I go home on Air Force 1.
If your is not foreclosed on yet, use a hybrid, or better yet a bicycle.

The pure definition of an arrogant a/hole can be seen in this picture.

Yes, America, here it comes… the 29 hour work week with pay to match.

I've spent my whole life making sure that my left hand doesn't know what my right hand is doing.

I guarantee in the next four years every Bill I sign will ensure the American people get what they deserve.

Just now, for this moment, my hand is in my OWN pocket.

You people here are fortunate enough to be actual witnesses to the beginning of the apocalypse.

Now altogether, say it with me, "Hail, Obama".

Now I want you to be prepared to surrender your wallets and jewelry as you leave….

And where was your God while I was getting re-elected?

READ MY LIPS: NO NEW SOCIALISM!!

I'm creating a new department called 'Taxes without Borders'.
It's sort of like Doctors without Borders only in reverse. They give. We take!

Now what have I told you about using a rational argument in my presence? Don't let it happen again.

Oh, puh-leeze! I can look gay and Presidential at the same time.

"Hold on, I've got the keys to your Obama Car right here…"

"…so guess what I'm targeting next, you NRA members! Yippie kay yay!"

First, let me be clear, Libya, jobs, stock market, Obamacare, runaway debt, lowest approval rating for an incumbant, you truly are a stupid, stupid people.

Let me point to Allah and thank him for Sandy.

I've never told a lie. I didn't think through first!

I can tell you, now that the reelection is final, I came from up there, not Kenya, and certainly not from Hawaii. Let me prove it with some verses from my pocket Koran.

One last thing, I am not a Christian

Obama, Barack Obama 2012

Excuse me while I whip this out…

Turn your head and cough, America…

And today I learned what my IQ is… One!

After hearing the election results, Barry does the "Stayin' Alive" dance…

I no longer need to answer any of your questions.

And in December I will apologize to Burma, Thailand, and Cambodia.

If every person puts one more dollar into this pocket, …

One thing I plan to do this time … put your entire wealth into this pocket.

The last administration got us into this mess…no wait a minute…

Pull my finger. I dare ya.

See this finger? Every time you feel the yoke of communism pushing on your chest. This is what is doing it Gulag Prisoner 189.

America, I got your back…..pocket

Ok, Congress men, Senators and Press reps, here’s the plan for the first two years of my second term. Continue to vilify, castigate, make fun of all conservatives and conservative rich people. Call the House Republicans obstructionists continually. Then we will get them voted out and we can totally destroy this country in my last two years.

"This pose is for you, Chris Mathews."

" One is the loneliest number, one is the loneliest number… Sing it with me now."

For today's lesson please open your text books to Chapter One, entitled The Magic of Socialism.

"Yes, I am the One I have been waiting for."

My hand will be in your pocket shortly……

"Just call me Bob the Destroyer."

"Hold still I almost got that itch."

"And another thing Obama Care does stop you crotch from itching."

"And another thing Obama Care does stop your crotch from itching."

Err…Ummm…hold on, damn teleprompter is out, gotta get my notes.

You all can trust me because I'm so good at keeping my promises.

AND YOU CAN TELL BILL O'REILLY I SAID "SHOVE IT!"

I WILL ANSWER THAT QUESTION SIR WHEN MICHELLE AND I GET BACK FROM OUR VACATION, OR, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER, WHICH EVER COMES FIRST!

Guess where this finger has been.

Fingers crossed

Just like Joey on friends, tweezers in the pocket to stop from laughing must be serrious

As far as your accusations… #1 – Yes, Michelle does have a big ass…

Theriouthly,,,,

My balls itch!

Is this the way the Catholics do it? More bread and grape juice for all my peons.

One more thing. I have it right here. It explains how I will now have the additional responsiblities formerly held by congress and the supreme court.

Strike the pose, like GQ, for morons.

Obama unveils the firepower he's making available to our Border Patrol agents.

Hey photojournalist. Back that F-stop off a bit more for a bigger halo effect.

Spread some bullshit over here, some over there…

BOZO, Barack Bozo….a Colt 45, in a brown bag please

I cannot tell a lie its Romneys fault!

Wait for it… Wait for it… NOW its Romneys fault.

And during the next four years, my family and I plan to personally visit the places in the world that are so vital to the American economy—places such as Tahiti, Bora Bora, Bermuda, The French Alps and Acapulco.

Hold on while I pull this rabbit outta my pocket..

"Wait a sec…. I have some talking points on that."

"George Washington? Wrong! The Founding Father of our present political system was Woodrow Wilson!"

"Actually, it was pretty easy. The first thing you always do is demonize your opponent…"

"To me, governing is like being a magician. Distract everyone with one hand while you're doing something else with the other hand."

"Where did I come from? I thought we settled that a long time ago…"

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear, The Rich will not survive another four years of my rule."