I'm not sure Barry if you and I can be friends any more if you lose on November 6th.

It's not that difficult, Joe; You put your left foot in . . .

So I go to Chicago on Election Day and count all the absentee ballots coming in from deceased voters?

My alcohol expenditures ALONE eat up this meager VP salary!

So we're NOT at war with Iran???

I don't care what the facts say… The attacks in Lybia were caused by that movie!

C'mon, Barry! Let me do just one more debate! I promise not to laugh at everything this time!

Enjoy it while ya got it, Barry!

It has been tough Barry, let me read you the specials, am on probation!

I'll take the nachos, a medium coke and a double cheeseburger, and Joe, can you get me the employee discount?

VP and now a waiter here at the Olive Garden, guess we should have listen Barry,,,, now, want to hear the specials?

Barry, the manager said he doesn't care who you were, the dinning room is full of customers and if we don't get back in, Trump says we are fired!

Which tables you want to wait Barry?

I swear, Barry, I was in the bathroom EVERY TIME they said they needed more security in Libya!

1+1 no longer is 3. It's now 6.

Barrack, I have been meaning to talk to you about the debate. Are they really going to ask us about what we have done and are going to do? If so, what do we do?

So here's my plan, Barry. Next go 'round, we blame that Ronald Reagan fellow.

So, tye Mrs. And I come over thanksgiving and help box up the first round. Think we can get the sheets from the Lincoln Bedroom?

What do you mean there won't be a next time, Barry?

Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. There won't be a "next go 'round".

I'm sure we can have it changed to say by the people for the people and against the people.

I'm practicing for my next job, what'll you have?

Damn it, Barry. Pay attention. You're going to need these busboy skills in a few weeks.

BARACK, CAN'T YOU TAKE THE BLAME ON ONE THING, AT LEAST?

BARACK, YOU'VE BLAMED EVERYONE EXCEPT BO AND CHRIS MATTHEWS FOR THE ECONOMY, CAN'T YOU TAKE THE BLAME FOR SOMETHING?

Barry, I thought Paul Ryan was full of "malarky" but you got him beat.

Barry, when did you finally find out that we had airplanes that could land on ships and ships that can go under water?

Barry, where's Moochelle, is she in the buffet line?

Barry, how did you like my "clown" act at the vice-presidential debate?

Joe, why don't you make yourself useful for the first time and get us some drinks.

You want fries with that?

I'm sorry boss. I KNOW I kept smiling, but he kept confusing me with FACTS!

Barack, I said we don,t have anymore watermelons……

And that is Mr. Sorosis' new plan to employ sheepskin bladders to prevent earthquakes. He only needs a small fronting of cash, say $25 Billion dollars in small unmarked bills.

Edit the above. Sheep not sheepskin

"So when you, er I mean, IF you lose, what exactly happens to me? Do I have to leave too?"

"Um yea, about that letter of recommendation Barry, no thanks."

"But Barry, he was inaugurated yesterday. You have to move out!"

"So far you have job offers from Chavez, Putin and Ahmadinejad said that he may sponsor a cell for you to lead."

"I gave Trump your college records and passport information that we printed up. I told him your charity choice is the campaign fund."

What can I say Barack. Ryan was funny.

Look, Barack, I'll go first and dress up as Big Bird to warm up the crowd. Whenever you don't know the answer, give me a nod and I'll flap my wings.

Barry, you must understand! Obamacare has more holes in it than this wrought iron table.

"I'm still confused… Iran & Israel: Which are the good guys and which are the bad guys?"

"Would you like to see the dessert menu?"

"Glad you're sitting down. Listen, I may have said something again today…"

Inglorious bastards.

Look Barry, you got your ass kicked. Rather than being a jerk in number 3, you have laughed through your debate like me.

Trust me, Barry, you mention Big Bird being threatened and people will be lining up in droves to vote for you. Have I ever been wrong?

It's my new ACME debate kit. I can't lose with this baby.

No, No, No, let's try this again. "Sir, have you decided yet on your order".

Damn Barry, not only do you give the dead fish handshake, you cross your legs like a girl.

Joe, are you on drugs again?

We're screwed, do you have a position for me during your presidency in Kenya.

Well I had to say something to comfort him so I talked about his sons balls. What?

Knock it off Joe. I'm not going to pretend you're the waiter.

Sit down before I get southside Chitown on yer ass.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle- uh, uh, can you, uh, can you roll that back, please? I didn't catch that?

CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE ME OFF THE KILL LIST, I WON'T MISSPEAK
AGAIN

"So Barry, if Romney wins on November 6th, do I still get to be Vice President???"

"You think what I said was stupid? You're the one who said there are 57 states!"

"Look, this Big Bird thing isn't working. I want to run a new idea by you about using the Smurfs…."

Barack Obama hires a tutor for Economics.

Order the "I'm a jackass salad". I eat one everyday.

If you know I'm a buffoon and pick me anyway, doesn't that make you a bigger buffoon?

I AM TELLING YOU BARRY, THERE WILL BE NO TEL A PROMPTER.YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. YOU WILL HAVE TO REALLY BULL SHIT YOUR WAY THRU THESE DEBATES

The realtor said I can get the place next door.

No Joe, I don't need lessons on how to smile.

Trump called. He said: "Yes, the 5 million can be in one bill with your picture on it."

Damnit barry, you're not on the view right now. quit sitting like such a PUSSY AND CROSS YOUR LEGS LIKE A MAN!

OKAY, LET ME EXPLAIN IT TO YOU THIS WAY…WHEN YOU GO THE ATM MACHINE, AND IT KEEPS YOUR CARD, THAT'S BAD…

OKAY, LET ME EXPLAIN IT THIS WAY…WHEN YOU GO THE ATM MACHINE, AND ALL IT GIVES BACK TO YOU IS YOUR CARD, THAT'S BAD…

OKAY, LET ME EXPLAIN IT THIS WAY…WHEN YOU GO TO THE ATM MACHINE, AND ALL IT SPITS BACK OUT IS YOUR CARD, THAT'S NOT GOOD…

But, Barry, why do I have to drop my "Bin Laden is dead" line?

How 'bout we give you a super-hero name…like…Barry America?

…..And that is when I was finally able to tell the difference between my ass and a hole in the ground…..

I told Martha, this is exactly what I said, I said "We weren't told they wanted more security there." Now technically wasn't that true?

"Hey where's the cop, the professor and the beer?"

"Barack, you look sad!! Do you want some of my happy pills?

You see, what I meant to say was……

"So Barry, you're still not sure why you mentioned bayonets, horses, a ship that planes can land on and a boat that can go under water during the last debate? Well, you're not alone. The rest of the country, including myself, is still trying to figure it out too. Let's order shots of Jack Daniels to help you think clearly."

Since you are Muslim sir and don't eat pork, could I interest you in our Roasted Bull-Shit sampler? It comes with a hearty helping of Bulldog with a side of Shi-Tzu Soup.

How do I brush my teeth Barry?

Barry your the worst President ever!

Did you finish packing Barry?

Barry, can you remind me what my name is?

"Barry, the people are moaning that your promised Land of Milk and Honey is now the Land of Bilked by Scummy."

The Secret Service is on its way over with another pair of pants. Just keep sitting like that and no one will notice your little accident from the debate.

Joe, you are so full of shit. You are a bigger bullshitter than Romney and I combined.

Biden practices what it actually means to "serve" the people since he didn't get it right for 4 years.

….And that was the first time I thought I could tell my ass from a hole in the ground….

Mr. President, I would sit but that moving man has already loaded the chairs.

The center fielder would snap me the old pigskin and it was almost a guaranteed homerun every time I ran the ball. I could've gone pro cept' the NBA wasn't hiring the year I graduated.

They told me that if you win the electoral votes, and Romney wins the Popular vote, that he will be President and I will be Vice President, isn't that great?

So, let me get this straight, if you lose, that means I have to leave too?

When you lose, we still have two months to move to Brazil, I heard they can't touch us there. Is Holder packing too?

WHY CAN'T WE STAY??? We can stop the vote, right??? I don't want to go, I won't, I won't, I won't.

You know, Barry, when we get out of here it will be nice to have you waiting on me hand and foot for a change.

Why do I have to leave? You were the one who didn't attend your own debate!

OK, so I did the Hurricane Sandy thing like you asked. So now we seek to delay the election, right?

Barry, I'd like to help you move in January but, I will be moving myself, buddy.

I could just choke that Ryan punk! Acting like he knows more than me. Hmph!

Just lie, and when you're out of lies avoid the question, and when the pressure is too much just start laughing… Like I did throughout my debate.

I know I laughed inappropriately, but at least I debated.

I'm not kidding, Barack. Ann already ordered all the paint for the living quarters.

Mr. President, shouldn't you be out spending our tax payers money on more crap?