Now hold on. There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and stuff I say about those who disagree with me.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and shit I make up to make my opponents look bad.

Now hold on. There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and stuff I say to blame my mistakes on someone else.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and the stuff I'm saying right now to make you look bad.

What makes you think you have a right to challenge me? I mean, I only screwed the country over for the next hundred years or so.

So Barry, which President Obama are we getting for this debate, the narcissistic one or the incompetent one.

Look Mitt, I'm the president so I get to lie as much as I need to to get reelected.

Look Mitt, the reason I did so bad in the first debate was because of that video insulting my muslim religion.

Look, Joe Biden said I should interrupt you if you are telling the truth about my first term in office.

Mitt, I am invoking a golf term here and I'm declaring a "mulligan" which entitles me to a "do over" for my first four years in office.

Please don't talk so fast… I have a hard time translating to my native language of Swahili

You better back off a little… I just dropped my ass…

Hold on there Mitt, I choose to "Believe" the price of gas is more "Valuable" now than it was when I became President.

You watch it there! Michelle gave me my balls back for this round and darn it I'm gonna use em.

Hold on, noone told me we were supposed to be using facts!

Moderator, help! Mitt's being mean to me!

You'd better back off, Mitt, I'm about to spew a load of bullshit right now.

Mitt, hold on, are you actually suggesting that I ever once gave a crap about this country?

Wait a minute, where in the Constitution does it say I can't go on vacation all the time?

Now hold on…I said the word terror back in 1999. That should last this Country a life time.

Now, I know that sometimes my mouth overloads my jaybird ass, but that's beside the point…

"Now hold on Governor. The third period is for Candy to shamelessly intervene"

"Hold on right there governor, it's tee time."

"Explain to me sir, what balancing a budget, cutting spending and letting go unnecessary employees has to do with government."

"This Tenth Amendment that you say I just "whisked away", do you have proof that such a thing even exists?"

"Now uh, wait a minute uh, governor. Uh, I uh, uh, inherited uh…."

Stop right there! Lance did not give me any "vitamins" when you saw us together a few minutes ago.

"Hold on there, Mitt! Nobody told me you were allowed to bring up my record!"

"Whoa! I'm going to stop you right there, Governor! Crowley and I already agreed that Truth would have no place in tonight's debate!"

If you piss me off I will put a Swahili hex on you.

Hold it right there Mr. Romney, stop confusing these folks with the truth.

Nice debate! High five and a kiss…

Whoa, there, cowboy, I never said I forged my own birth certificate–we have qualified people at CIA for stuff like that.

Wait, I have another 2 seconds to talk.

Hold on, Hilary was the scapegoat for that.

Woh-woh-woh——this is not the time or place for "facts"

I told the American people the next day that it was a terror attack in Libya. I also talked about that video that offended the muslims. And I only spent $70,000 apologizing to the muslims. But I never said what happened was caused by a video that offended Muslims, check the transcript.

Whoa now! Don't confuse the issues with the truth.

Hell no… No facts allowed here!

THIS is the hand I use to massage Magilla's, I MEAN MICHELLE'S gorilla titties!

BACK-OFF pal… I'll rename this country "Niggeragua" if I damn-well FEEL like it!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? This is MY country now, and THIS is NOT the time for questions!

Listen Romney, what's one dead United States Ambassador, two dead Navy SEALs and one dead embassy staffer? I've got a re-election to win!

Okay, Romney. I'll stand over here because my breath smells like shit.

Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man…

Governor, you just hold on one minute.. the rules state no blindsiding me with the truth. Period!

Obama Gangnam Style

Hold on a minute, uh, Mitt. Don't cut me off until I can finish lying.

Stop right there. Candy Crowley and I already arranged for me to get more time than you.

"Governor, I am offended that you would rather have Big Bird on our plates than on our televisions."

Hold on right there, I do pucker like this to kiss the asses at NBC news and MSNBC.

Hold on Mitt, I need 4 more years to lie and destroy this country.

Wait a minute, you can't ask the same question twice, even if I didn't answer! Moderator! I call foul!

No singing that American song again. Who said you could sing patriotic songs?

"Yo Mitt, When you win… Im axing you not to mess with my Homeboyz and Homegirlz welfare stamps and assisted living money, we've been knowing how to beat this system for years"

"Yo Mitt, Im axing you not to mess with my Homeboyz and Homegirlz welfare money, food stamps and section 8, we've been knowing how to beat this system for year"

"Yo Mitt, Im axing you not to mess with my Homeboyz and Homegirlz welfare money, food stamps and section 8, we've been knowing how to beat this system for years"

Get it right Mitt, Thats NOT how you do the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique, this is.

That "Ty kwan do" crap is soooo passe Barry

Come on Mitt, you said if I showed you my notes, you would show me yours.

Talk to the hand Mitt, talk to the hand

Wait a minute, Mitt… Socialism DOES TOO work… My Daddy, Frank Marshall Davis, told me so!

Now hold on Mitt! I when I ok'd "Fast and Furious", I thought they meant the movie, not that thingy that killed hundreds of people. Next question Candy!

We just love this "Boyz To Men" lipsync thing.We're like mirror images!!

Now wait just a minute… uh… Governor. Are you going to tell the truth ALL night, because if so, I'm going to need Candy to help me out?

"Hold on, now. I'll have to ask Biden what I think about that."

"Wait. Wait. Whaddya mean it didn't work in the Soviet Union?"

No Mitt, you have to hold the note longer longer, like this: "Oh-o-o-o-o-o-o"

I know you are…but what am I?

Step back or I'll touch you with the hand I wipe with.

Hold on mutha fucka! Don't forget I'm from Chi-Town got dammit!

What do you mean you'll surtax ex-presidents' pensions when you're elected? That wasn't the deal!

Whoa whoa whoa you can't expect me to be responsible for what Biden says.

Wait a second, Kenyans can be President!

Wait a minute! That answer is not on the script!

Wait,Wait,Wait a minute! We agreed, no facts, no truths and no responses to y questions which have not been preaproved!

That's not on the list of approved questions!

Stop! I don't know what that means!

Whoa, just because I support Gay marriage and my Democratic party had to take a vote on whether or not to include God, doesnt mean anything, I need the extra votes, God doesnt care.

Obama: Who told you about my pension plan? You mean under my plan I'll have to pay more taxes than you? Can we talk…?

Governor, I'll clarify my lies myself, ok?

You make me look bad and I will put a Chicago type hit out on your ass.

Now hold on Mitt, according to Sharia law…..

"Let me stop your right there governor, I have a lot of important people who endorse my campaign. There's Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Vladimir Putin, Mariela Castro…"

A Sith Lord attempting to use the dark side of the Force afainst a Jedi Master.

A Sith Lord attempting to use the dark side of the Force against a Jedi Master.

Look, Mitt…I don't care what you say..there ain't no way you cash wash the stank off the BS I just laid out.

Like this, you just put your lips together and blow.

I'm….. so in love with you….

Just WHO gave you my binder full of women?

WHO else but me is gonna give Big-Bird and family handouts if he loses his job?

Whoa, I'm not saying you guys don't have a right to be mad but may i remind you, the stupid ignorant fools that voted for me are the ones that let me do it all!! LOL, instead of impeaching me, now the dummies are letting me run for another term! HAHAHAHA

HOW DARE YOU IMPRESS THEM WITH FACTS WHEN I'M DAZZLING THEM WITH BULLSHIT!!!

Another stirring rendition of Ebony and Ivory?

Woah, Governor Romney, you didn't let me bring my teleprompter. I need more time to finish my sentence without it.

Hey, everything your complaint about that I did was really George W. Bush's fault, not mine.

Hey, Wait a minute! Everything your complaining about that I did was really George W. Bush's fault, not mine.

Hold on a minute! As governor of Massachusetts, you only have to focus on one state. As president, I have to focus on all 52 states.

Feelings! Whoa, whoa, whoa, feelings. Feelings of love….

Hooooold on there Governor!
……I'll……..think of something.

"HOW MANY BAYONETS AND HORSES HAVE YOU COUNTED, BARRY?"

"ANY MORE FACTS FROM YOU, AND I'LL HAVE TO CALL THE NEW BLACK PANTHERS TO INSTIGATE RIOTS ALL ACROSS AMERICA UNTIL TRUTH AS WE TELL IT IS BELIEVED"

"I never said that"

"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Hold on Govenor! I just signed an Executive Order for you to shut the F**K up!

Wait a minute. I thought you were paid to lose this debate!

"Now hold on a minute, you're actually saying that Puerto Rico is a part of the United States?"

"If you tell me to sit down and color once more Michelle's gonna be pissed!"

(BO)I'll just keep mirroring his actions and making faces and maybe he'll forget about the economy.

Hold on Mitt, as I told Medvedev and as the Obama phone lady said, after the election, I'm gonna do more!

Wait a minute Mitt. We never agreed that we had to debate any real facts.

Now just a minute Governor…..I did indeed visit all 57 states!