I'm sorry Mr. President, I can't help it if your an idiot.

I'm sorry Mr. President, I am going to have to cut your response time short if you are not going to tell the truth.

I'm sorry Mr. President, you cannot bring in a teleprompter just because you don't know the answers to the questions.

Mr. President, I don't know how your going to defend your record even if I pick softball questions for you to answer.

Come on Candy, you can't keep letting Mr. Romney tell the truth while I have to lie about my record.

All right, fine, Barry. I'll make something up to help you out just this once. It's not like anyone's ever going to actually check the facts before blindly believing me.

All right, Barry. I'll make something up for you just this once.

What can I do, Mr President? He is smarter than you!

Awww… He kicked your ass again… You want a hug?

Listen you incompetent twit, I picked the questions you paid me to ask.

What more can I do, go get your teleprompter?

That's NOT the answer we rehearsed and Mr. Romney does have a point. You waited two damn weeks to call it a "Terrorist Attack".

I'm sorry, Barry, they said your teleprompter's going to be in the shop for another two weeks.

I'm sorry, Barry, I'm doing what I can to help you, but Mitt's facts keep getting in the way.

What else can I say? Even I think you're a moron.

I'm sorry, Barry, i've run out of lies too.

I'm sorry, Barry, it's not my fault you were such a horrible president.

I don't know the answer to this one Barack, you're on your own..

I give you the questions in advance, you rehearse the answers for days, and you still need help? I'm voting for Romney.

"Before the debate even starts, I think it is obvious that the president is the clear winner"

Sorry Barry, Bush made me do it!

"Sorry Mr. President, you've already used your one 'Phone a Moderator' lifeline."

I can't help you on that one, dude.

What was I supposed to ask you again?

What? Are you gonna blame me, too?

I agree to sleep with David Axelrod and you do what for me?

"Don't look at me, I don't know the answer either."

What can I say , You are the best debater ever! "Your the man!"

How the hell do I know where the sheet with the answers is?

"I've been doing this for over 20 years and I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Look, Barry, I've already cut him off 28 times! Technically, we have to allow him to say SOMETHING!"

"What more do you want me to do, Barry? We have to at least keep up the pretense of only having a strong liberal bias!"

"What can I say, Mr. President? The odds of you doing well without your teleprompter are about as good as me dieting at the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet!

Sorry Mr. President, I don't know where the stimilus money either.

Sorry Mr. President, I don't know where the stimilus money went either.

Look, I already told you, I don't KNOW if there's a good place to play golf around here.

Mr. President, did you just call me "Too Big to Fail"?

Get on yyour knees, throw your hands in the air and pray to our GOD you miserable Muslim.

I've done what I could to help you, you have to put some effort in too.

Don't look at me. I'm doing everything I can for you.

I'm trying to help you Barry but you've got to stop being so stupid.

Barry I'm sorry. I'm all out of pizzas, hamburgers, and fries.

"I'm doing my best. If you want more, it's gonna cost ya another $500."

Sorry Barack, I can't help it if you forget the script we spent 4 days rehearsing.

Candy, I know Chris Matthews, Chris Matthews is a friend of mine, Candy, You are no Chris Matthews!

I'm sorry Mr. President, but I really thought I was correct about your statement on whether the attack on the American Embassy in Libya was a terrorist act!

The lead singer of "Meatloaf" (Candy) says. I am sorry… I can't control Romney, Mr. President. He called me a "Bat out of Hell!"

So I was a little late with that question—I still get the money.

Look, Barry —I've bailed your butt out six times already—what more do you want?

What can I say, Mr. President? He's right. I'll fall on my sword after the election.

Mitt's right…..Who knew?

Oops. I forgot my lie.

Let's play, "Whose Lie is it Anyway?"

Candy? Mr. Johnson has asked… "What have I done with our tax dollars?" …ummm

I tried to come to your defense, you know it would be alot easier if you told the truth every once in awhile.

"Hey don't look at me, he makes a good point! Even I'm leaning his way now."

Sorry Barry… not even I can get your ass out of this hole!

Sorry Barry, I tried to keep him away from this debate. I guess we are both in for an ass kicking.

I know, I didn't follow Michele's list of approved foods, I've been eating too many Twinkee's

I'm not sure if he's allowed to tell you to sit down and shut up, Mr. President, but it works for me.

Obama judges the 2012 Jabba the Hutt look-alike contest.

I had a double cheeseburger stashed under my desk and it's gone now…. did you take it?

No, Mr. President, I cannot put duct tape on Mitt's mouth.

Come on, Barack… give me some lovins.

Look Mr. President, this is my debate so shut the hell up.

Mr. President, you are a dim bulb.

Look, I am giving you all the time you need. I wish I could give you the full 90 minutes, but even I can't stand you that long.

Look Barry, I'm giving you all the time you need, but this is my time, so sit down and shut up.

"Hey, even I know that you're performance is not…optimal."

Hey B, I set it up for you. If you can't make hey, that's on you dubmass.

Hey B, I set it up for you. If you can't make hey, that's on you dumbass.

I'm sorry , I didn't know he was going to ask REAL questions?

..sorry, the page grabbed the wrong envelope, we got the REAL questions!

..well..maybe less people were watching this time cause you choked on the first one ?!

I don't know what to tell you, I interrupted him as much as i could!

What can I say, he got you again!

Sorry I did my best and he still destroyed you

Do I get that honorary Secret Service badge now? No one protected you as much as I did tonight…

Look, it's not my fault. Mayor Bloomberg said no sodas over 16 ounces.

The Secret Service said Biden borrowed the teleprompters and is using them to read a Harlequin novel.

Not my fault. Clint borrowed all the chairs!

All hail Barry!!!
Keeper of the B.S.

I'm sorry! I just can't fix stupid!

I understand how bad you feel about being incompetent… Would you like a cookie?

President Obama, I already gave you the questions ahead of time, I answered one incorrectly for you, but I can't hide a teleprompter for you!

WTF? You've had 4 years!

Why do you need a teleprompter? We rehearsed the questions and answers already!

Damn, she makes the NFL referees look good.

"I tried."

Hey, I'm as clueless as you are, Mr. President.

What, me worry?

How the f**k do I know where the $16 trillion went?

No I don't have the transcript. Oh wait Mr. President yes I do. . Do you mean this highlighted part?

Am as clueless as you Barry!

F**k if I know Barry!

E) All of the above? I don't know!

Look, I know I'm supposed be impartial…but I'm not me when I'm hungry, and I just ate a whole case of Snickers!

I smell Bullshit Barrack, and I think its a Turd this long, better check your trousers.

For the last time, I don't know where Michelle hid your golf clubs!

Don't ask me, I'm just as imcompetent as you!

I did everything I could to help you. I even lied and had to back track on CNN an hour later. What else did you want me to do?

I'm sorry Barry. How else can I possibly try to help you?

Sorry Mr.President, Sharia law does not apply here.

I assure you Governor Romney, President Obama paid me well for my support of him.

Did I say it right Mr. President?

Your check bounced bro you're on your own.

Look, I couild've been watching Titans vs. Steelers, but noooooo, I am here listening to your BS.

Look, Obamaman, I could've been watching the Titans vs. Steelers game, but noooooooo… I'm here listening to moree of your BS …again.

I brought the transcript like you asked, what more can I do?

I'M SORRY, BARRY. YOU GAVE ME SO MANY CANNED RESPONSES TO SAY THAT I CAN'T REMEMBER THEM ALL!!!

Barry you really do need to do some of this yourself!

How should I know, I work for CNN

I don't know… you tell ME why people call me "Eye Candy."

Whaddaya lookin' at me for? YOU'RE the idiot!

I know I was wrong and I will correct it later on CNN but no one is going to be watching.

There's only so much I can do to help you, Barry.

So Barry? Yes I look like Meatloaf when he was younger. It does not give Romney the right to call me a "Bat Out of Hell!"

'Sorry, Mr. President…I have to agree with Gov. Romney…You really are a moron'

Sorry, O, but Romney has my vote now.

No, Mr. President, it's foreign policy not porno fantasy!

Sorry, Mr. President, knowing that Canada is north and Mexico is south does not qualify you as a foreign policy expert.

Sorry Mr. President. Michelle and Hillary can't help you answer this question. Be a man and answer it yourself.

Mr. President, for the 3rd time, the deficit is 16 trillion, NOT 16 billion! I can't help it if the audience keeps laughing.

You want to take a break? Right now? We're right in the middle of discussing unemployment, the deficit and inflated gas prices. You can grab a pizza after the debate.

"I don't have the Teleprompter, Mr. President, you were supposed to bring it"

Mr.President I am sorry I couldn't help you more.