Hello, I want to know if I can count on you to still be stupid enough to vote for me again?

Hello, this is your "entitlement" president, what can I give to you to buy your vote?

Hello, I'm taking a poll. So your planning to vote for Romney. Thank you. Well, that's one for me.

Hello, Michelle, I won't be home for dinner. I can't keep eating french fries all the time.

Hello, can you help me? I'm looking for a miniature teleprompter that I can use in a debate.

Guess what Michelle? After the debate we now qualify for Obamaphones!

I just make stuff up and people actually believe me. What a great country!

Is this William Shatner? Yeah, it looks like we're going to have to book all those vacations now before I get fired.

You like me? You really, really like me?

Wow…today all my supporters are buying into my BS about not recognizing the real Romney last night.

Hell froze over? Pigs are flying? That means I'm going to win!!!!

Look! I gots me an obamaphone! Fo free!

Yes, yes… I am the greatest. Everyone tells me that.

The guys who ran Solyndra just sent me $15 Million? It's about time!

You were able to round up that eight ball for me? SWEET!

I know, I can't believe I lasted 20 years with that bitch, either.

Hey there, Big Bird. So, you and the rest of the Sesame Street homies are still going to vote for me, right?

Yeah, Medvedev? About that second term . . .

The people have spoken! I am now "His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor[B] Barack Obama, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Kenya in Particular",

So All I need to get on the French ballot is a Birth Certificate showing I was born in France? OK Thanks.

Michelle, have the secret service guys get that guy in graphics up here pronto. Wer'e Going to Paris Baby!

Good one Al, let's tell them it was the thin air in Denver and I'll blame him for stealing money from Big Bird.

Hello 1-800-talk is cheap

Yes,I'd like to order a thousand limberger cheese, onion and garlic pizzas. Deliver to Mitt Romney at the RNC.

Tell me again… "They only found my grade school records, and nothing else."

Yes Mr. Medvedev, it looks like my relocation plans are becoming more flexible after tonight.

So this is how an Obama Phone works.

Michelle im happier than a pig in shit and I even look like one.

Hello…Kerry?
Yeah…we don't need all that debate practice.
We'll just pull an all-nighter on Tuesday.

Yes, yes they really are swallowing my story, hook, line and sinker!

"…Yea that sounds good, lets place that offer for the big house on the beach in Hawaii, we will be ready to move in at the end of January…"

Obama all smiles after Soros reassures him the voting fix is still on.

Yeah I'm being totally serious. I just got my ass handed to me and the liberals still think I'm great

Yeah, this is my "ate a big steaming pile of it and then had my ass handed to me" grin.

So Harry, ya think you'll have time to help move in January?

These morons believe in me no matter how bad I screw up.

Yeah this dope actually said it was the altitude that messed me up

Naaah, don't worry, the mainstream media didn't cover the debate…

Are you saying that my Photoshopped birth certificate has been accepted? Al Sharpton, you are the best!

Great! We have a tee time at 9AM.

Why yes honey, they all still love me!

Yeah, they bought that movie BS, hook line and sinker!

Don't worry if my ads are proven false, my voters will believe anything I say!

So you think I could get the 'sham wow' job??

They booked Clint Eastwood as the next mediator — and he's bringing his own chair?

They booked Clint Eastwood as the next moderator — and he's bringing his own chair?

Hey, Khalid! We'll need the Brotherhood in Egypt to charge a lot more $49 campaign contributions this week.

I think I'm going to do great in the first debate too!

What am I wearing? Just a banana hammock and some baby oil…

Ok… My new earpiece is working fine… I am ready for the next debate!

No, don't worry, tonight was just a practice debate

Thanks Al, think they bought that altitude thing!

You think that's funny John, you call that debate prep? The IRS will be paying you a visit.

Yeah I know it was all bullshit but they eat it right up

You think that was bad, wait till Biden goes up against Ryan

Come on Soros, it wasn't that bad, what do you mean you're shutting off the money.

Don't laugh Joe, you're going up against Ryan next week

Did you hear that one about the altitude?

The press is running with the 7.8% Great!, Allah be praised

Now don't you worry, Mr. Soros, I'll just blame everything on Bush and it'll all be fine.

Now don't worry, Mr. Soros, I'll just say Romney's an evil rich guy and everything will go fine.

Notice that Barry is not holding a "smart phone"…

10 minutes before the first debate…
It is often said that pride comes before a fall.

10 minutes before the first debate…
Overconfidence precedes carelessness.

You fixed the polls to show that I won the debate? Man you guys are good!

Michelle is going on vacation again? Really? Let's go golfing tomorrow!

See all you need to do is pull on 'em
like this and they grow big.

Hey Jay-Z, yeah, this is Obama and I have some extra cash to spend. So when's the next time you're having a party? November 6th huh. Well let me check my schedule… Hmm yup looks all clear to me.

Hello, Social Security Office? I need to see if I qualify for unemployment benefits before the election next month.

"Hello, is your refrigerator running? Hahaha! I'm so cool!"

Hey, Rev. Wright…just calling to renew my membership in the Down Under Club.

(edit) Hey, Jeremiah…just calling to renew my membership in the Down Low Club.

My Kenyan passport is still good through January? DY-NO-MITE!

"This is amazing! You can actually talk with people on this thing!"

"Michelle! Axelrod says he just found someone in Chicago stupid enough to vote for me again!"

I'm laughing to keep from crying.

Hello, Smoke Shop? Have you got Prince Albert in a can? Well, let him out! (Oh gawd, I am SO funny!)

So Jay-Z really thought I did a great job in the debate? Tell him "thanks", B!

George Clooney still loves me? That is great news.

THIS NIGGA MITT ROMNEY THANK HE BOUT TO WIN LMBO !!!!!

Amazing…this is the 219th time I have called in to donate to my campaign under an assumed name, and they still take my card number and $1,000!

The MSM has me winning? Good, like I always say, money talks BS walks.

"Hello, Vegas? Put me down for a million on Romney to win."

OMG !!!! I will gladly be your next dancer on Dancing With The Stars. I've gotten so good at dancing around lately this is naturally my next step.

Hey Joe. Better have our laughs now before Romney kicks our butts out of the Big House.

Yeah, I be right over. I just need a minute to get my ghetto on.

This is how Mr Soros holds my head in our meetings.

Hello Kenya? Is that position for village idiot still available and can I wear my clown costume?

Yippee !!! The 5th dentist has caved and now he recommends Trident too!

Don't remember which hand the phone is in… I'll just use both and I WON'T look like an idiot…

Hello, Sharpton, gotts me my new free Obama phone. Give Jesse Jackson and his son the web address

Yeah i told them he never asked for more security!

Yeah I did good without my teleprompters didn't I? Thanks Mr. Soros! Yeah… keep my mouth shut… and don't look up… thank you sir.

And Mr. President.. thanks to Romney, Big Bird is now dispersing weapons to his fellow muppets and ready to move on Romney's family.

Hey Michelle. The realtor said that our contract on the house in Hawaii was accepted. And my job as a community organizer in Honolulu is all set. Start packing. We'll have to be out by mid January. And don't forget the silver.

Damn, this Obama phone sucks! Gotta get me a new phone

Oh hey Joe, you did a great job at the debate (stupid jackass).

Hey Michelle, I think you better take those 9 vacations you have planned now because I don't think we will still have a free jet come January.

Yea, I only gave myself an incomplete grade on the economy. Some people still have jobs…

Yes you may tell Vladimir that after the election, the US will downsize it's nuclear weapons to 300. He can go ahead and raise his to 1500.

… And then, after the prom? We had a pillow fight at Rev. Wrights house! And this one time at band camp?

Yeah, Babe. Like I said before, I dumped all that Solyndra stock months ago, but it is still good that Congress made sure we didn't lose money on the collapse.

Mr. Putin, I might have more leeway than I originally thought come January.

That is good news Jeremiah, They took the word Mulatto out of the dictionary. now i'm all black,Lordy ,Lordy

They're still buying the YouTube video thing? Tell the press I owe them big time for this.

Barry chuckles as he discovers during his call to Al Gore for concession speech pointers that Al still thinks he won.

Hello Abdullah?….I need to order another prayer rug please…. Yeah, that stupid dog peed all over it again. Do you do Scotchgard?

"Yes Michelle, he kicked my ass in the debate but remember, I have millions hooked on monthly checks."

"YES!! You DO have trucks available for January."

Wait, if Mitt beats me, I have to look for work to be counted as unemployed?!?!?!

"Hillary, Susan, trust me. This Mohammed video thing'll work just fine?"

"Hillary, Susan, trust me. This Mohammed video thing'll work just fine!"

Whoa. This is just so cool. I get to meet Scarlet Johanson AND call The Pimp?

Yeah, I'mm in a good mood, Joe. I played in Michell's back yard last night! Got a little extra hitch in my step this mornin'.

"No cavities! YES!"

people think we can creat jobs hahaha

"Hi Bill! Thanks so much but I am not as good as telling whoppers as you, yet. Right you are Bill – Hillary is such a blonde enabler. What? BLAHAHA!!! No NOT me! Biden drew the short straw this time to pay her off. Golf? Sure my schedule is wide open – nothing going on here."

Great!! So what color do you want that EBT card to be?