Now that we farmers have you out here, would mind making it rain like all your kool-aid drinking Liberal friends claim you can?
Guys, I'm sorry, I was just out here grabbing a few ears for my tyrant wife.
You didn't plant these; the roads and bridges did!
I know I left you guys as high & dry as this crop, but I promise I will make it rain if you put me back in that office in November.
I can see you all worked hard on this field, but I've come to take credit for it.
You guys need to stop growing things and making an honest living; it's against my policies.
If you give me a second term, I will make sure nothing grows or thrives in this country again.
"See these ears there almost as big as mine"
I'm going to raise taxes on your crops because you're all white.
Just give me your votes and I'll give you some subsidies.
So this is what corn looks like? And I thought it came in a can.
Now if you all were black farmers, I could help you.
So this is what you all use to make "moonshine"? But you all need to pay your taxes on the profit.
So where's the "popcorn"? The kids wanted me to bring back some buttered popcorn.
You guys didn't think I was serious about that "you didn't build it" thing. Heck I was only kidding…it was like a metaphor, guys…hey guys…!
Since Government did all the work in building this farm, and you needed all those roads and bridges to get what you have…I think it's only fair that all the profits go to….ummm….YOU GUYS!
Hussein's campaign calls vainly on the plain.
You know…if you guys had watered your crops you might have had crops by now.
I'm sorry guys, but, we only give handouts to illegal immigrants.
…. still looking for the birth certificate….
If you guys had planted some reefer you wouldn't have a money problem~!!!
Can you raise the teleprompter a little higher? I don't know how to answer these guys.
You didn't grow these. Someone else did.
"Scarecrows and the King"
The Chevy volt after 10 miles consumes fuel. It must be the fault of YOUR ethanol.
Hey! I was paying you NOT to grow stuff!
So where are the Bibles and guns you all cling to?
Are those Children of the Corn Crackers around here?
After you pay your taxes, I will decide who gets the profit and it wont be you.
Why don't you guys grow arugula? I like arugula. Or what's that stuff Dukakis talked about, Belgian endive? Yeah, that's it, Belgian endive. We need to make more salads!
Be grateful I let you reap any of what you've sown here
By the time I am done with this country you guys will have a lot more room for corn fields.
So we put the scarecrow here to keep the Christians away. He needs to have a turban and an automatic weapon.
If you build it, I will take credit for it!
"Moonbats of the Corn"
Oh, I know All about farming. I've watched my little ACORN grow.
We use the same principle to make laws.
First, we spread a lot of manure..
Back in Kenya we don't grow corn, that's why I'm so skinny.
As Joe Biden would say: Three letters C O R N!
The children of the corn, now grown up, finally get their revenge.
"No, Mr. President, we ain't your secret service. But you come with us and we'll show you where we put them."
No, Mr. President they don't come already buttered.
Now here's the surprise… That wasn't really butter on that corn you ate…
I'm telling you for the last time! Mow the damn grass or no more subsidies!
So.. If I let you shove one of these up my ass, you'll vote for me?
Let me explain to you dumb hicks how the corn to ethanol program works. Uncle sucker pays you price supports to grow corn and then we pay price supports to convert it to ethanol and then we make the price per gallon lower than gasoline through price supports. At $10 per gallon we replace $4 per gallon gasoline.
"I'll take this corn and redistribute it to the corn-less."
"Universal corn-care' is the solution to this dry corn crop."
I would have sent more rain your way, gentlemen, but you've got to support my efforts toward ethanol first.
"I believe that every American deserves free corn…"
Fellas, I've earned these big ears.
I'm telling you, this drought is all Bush's fault.
Nope, can't help you get through this drought. But I do know that it's all Bush's fault.
Nope, can't help you recover all the corn you lost in this drought. But I can tell you that it's all Bush's fault.
So, you guys still bitter and clinging to your guns and religion?
…Crap. Where'd my Secret Service go?
Um…let's just pretend I never said that thing about you guys being 'bitter and clinging to guns and religion', OK? I'll just…leave…now…Crap. Where's my Secret Service when I need them?
You don't get paid enough, you should consider yourselves lucky because at least you have a jobl
Would you please move to your right? I can't read the teleprompter.
ALL FARMERS: "I would like to take some of those corn cobs and shove it where the sun don't shine."
Now you guys know, you didn't grow this corn. Somebody else grew this corn for you.
If you old white guys will move aside we'll bring the black farmers in because we can give them money.
The government is prepared to pay you for not planting next season.This means the creation of three more jobs.
SEND THIS BOY BACK TO THE COTTON FIELD
Man, you guys were right! This is a great place to bury dissenters!
Thanks for the corn guys, but I'll have to check with Valerie first before I can accept them.
And, uhh… ya'know uhh… d, uhhh ya'know uhh…
Of course I care about all you (cough, cough) farmers, poor folks and (cough, cough) old folks.
Oh no fellas, You got it ALLLLLL wrong…..
The 3 ears in my hand are yours. I'm taking all the rest!
"So in my next term, I'll outlaw all fossil fuels & require biofuels only. Your corn will sell for ten times as much!"
"So if you'll make the corn maze for Sasha & Malia, I'll fly the whole family & press corps out here on Halloween to show it off!"
"For a bunch of guys who know how to spread manure, you sure don't look like you believe me!"
"Vote for me, and I'll show you guys how to spread manure like you've never imagined!"
"So, the less you grow, the more the government will pay you. Together, we'll get this economy going again!"
You want ME to make it rain? I'm not that kind of messiah.
I don't care if food prices go thru the damn roof. We're making fuel out of all of this.
My Farmville results were much better than this. Do I have to show you guys how to do EVERYTHING?
I SAID this field is GREEN, photoshop it.
Now, my plan to redistribute your…I mean "our" corn is simple
I could use some old white guy votes, what do you say guys?
"Well, from each according to his abilities. I guess I shouldn't expect much more than dried corn out of elderly farmers."
Look…Mooch is in trouble with her School Menu. I want you to figure out how to make snacks outta this dried up corn. Give a zippy name so they'll go for it.
No, You did NOT harvest this corn, someone else did, you understand?
You see, subsidies are really socialism. So you farmers should vote for me and more socialism, oops I mean subsidies.
Now let me explain how farming works see. You you grow the corn and when the crows come to eat it, you let them. Thanks for your time.
Someone told me this was a corn maze for liberal dummies, is that why you folks are here?
Yes, I did see the intelligence briefing, but you guys must know by now that I Never make decisions based on intelligence.
Corn… what Elizabeth Warren's ancestors called maize.
OK,so this is the corn patch. Now, where's the choom patch?
Yeah, well, you cracker mofo's don't scare me…HEY! Where'd the Secret Service guys all go?
This is how the program works. You pay for the seed, you plant the corn and grown it and when it's time for picking the corn you pick it. Then we come and divide it properly. The dividing will go like this. One ear for you, two ears for the government, then one for you two for the government. You get the pictue.
"These ears need to be at least as big as mine before their ready for harvest"
You didn't grow this corn. Someone else did.
Barry adds a new twist to the old adage,"Bringing a knife to a gunfight," by bringing corn.
Guys, guys, guys! Again, it's NOT food, it's FUEL!
"Wait, you're selling this stuff to grocery stores? How are we going to power our cars and trucks?"
This is the way it is going to work. You are going to donate all of your land to the government, and in turn, the government is going to give you food stamps and section 8 housing.
You all look angry and bitter… where are your Bibles and guns?
What, this ISN'T the Letterman show on location in a cornfield?
Sorry, guys – the decision's been made that this is the location for my new $500 million Obama shrine.
"Now, Lou..Frank will cover the Southern portion of this field & you cover the Eastern side. There MUST be some votes hiding within these corn stalks."
This is just a photo op guys..every one look like I'm saying something meaningful on the count of three.
If we cleared this field we could build the perfect Golf Course.
Everything dries up and dies around this guy.
"Don't worry guys, I'll just increase your subsidy and you won't have to grow anything."
Do you think I can sell my communist 5 year plan to the rubes here in Iowa?
I don't care if using all this corn crop for ethanol increases livestock feed and food prices! 'Going Green' is more important!
Back when Michelle and I were slaves a few years ago, we did it different.
Ok, where exactly is this ethonal I keep hearing about that this corn grows?
Just like my presidency, your crops have turned to shit.
And this is how we cornhole someone in the White House.
Hey boy, you sure gotta purdy mouth.
I want this corn maze to confuse everyone so much that they vote for me again.
"We're here, Mr. President, to show you what we're going to do with that there corn."
First…. lets pretend this ear of corn between my legs is well… you know… uh… and with my other hand.. well… I then pull on my ear over and over… and then it rains…
Honest… I was pissing on your corn because its not raining… GW on my right knows I'm an honest guy right GW?? Uh…GW?…now.. can I do my rain dance at least??
During my second term, boys, the EPA and I will see how you fair without fossil fuels, fertilizer, herbicides and pesticides. Anybody hungry?
Yes… but thats what we slaves used to do to pray for rain… I was simply helping you by pissing on your corn… Now… uh GW …I thought I would start with your corn first… c'mon guys..
I can make it rain again… first thing I'll do in January… now I just need your votes..
So… yo that ni**er prezden all ovah the TV… huh!?
You gotta pretty mouth…
I am sorry guys… I couldn't find the melon field… you aren't going to hurt me are you????
You want me to stick this where?
Ill buy up all your crops with tax dollars in return for unlimited hay for Michelle.
So this is what Joe ment by "putting us back in chains"!
I said pop corn you dumb asses!
Farmers work hard to harvest a crop of corn, but in reality you didn't build that.
Allah did this to you infidels!
"Okay, enough ethanol, guys. Can you find a way to make corn-based cash?"
If you build it, I will come and take credit for it!
Please explain this one more time. Cotton was much more simpler.
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