Paul, what does it feel like to be a real American with an real American story? I don't get it.

I don't want you to put forth this budget. You're making me look bad.

Mr. Vice President, here are my unemployment, food stamp, welfare, dependent children, and disability filings.

Now, if you just use these questions during debates, Paul, we'll get along famously.

Can I borrow these? I need to submit a budget that works.

Mitt said you wanted to see his tax returns?

Hey, aren't those the debate questions I approved?

Can I borrow one of those sheets? I need to forge a birth certificate really quick.

Look, give back my college transcripts or I'll add you to my list!

Look, Paul, there's no reason to do all this work. Just be like me and go on vacation all the time.

Who's going to read that? Not anyone I know!

You went through all this just to make a budget? I didn't know the economy was that big a deal.

I don't read bills Paul, you know that!

When I asked you to prove me wrong, I didn't mean for you to actually get the facts. I have no use for those.

Im employing Executive Privilege,
Give me those facts so I can shred them

No Paul, You cant bring documented facts
into the conversation. We dont like facts
We dont need them, take them out of here

Paul, this looks like real work. Save it; I have a tee time in 30.

Paul, this stuff seems to have a ring of truth. You know I'm not into that.

Paul, the last time I looked your budget didn't have anything in it for my cronies. Get real, bro.

WHAT? No free money for my bros in the New Black Panthers? Save it, holmes.

Paul, do you think I have girlie hands?

Paul, I'll be sure to file these under "I don't give a crap."

So, with these, I can take down Mitt? Where do I have Tim mail the check?

Please don't say anything about me & Harry Reid not having a budget for four years now!

Where did your budget come from, and why didn't Harry have one in four years?

You are gonna get Joe to gaffe himself to pieces in the debate!

Joe has all my teleprompters and Jay Leno in a warehouse in Baltimore practicising all his favorite gaffes for the debates.

Joe has all my teleprompters and Jay Leno in a warehouse in Baltimore rehearsing all his favorite gaffes for the debates.

LOOK! THIS PAPER WORK BELONGS IN THE JOHN. NOT ON THE FLOOR OF CONGRESS. BUT, MATTER OF FACT AREN'T THEY THE SAME?

SEND THESE FACTS AND FIGURES TO HARRY. HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH THEM. OR JUST BURN THEM.

What's this Paul? Obamacare? Don't you like it?

Have I read it? BITCH PLEASE! I am way to busy golfing to do my job.

Ok heres the classified documenets you wanted…now keep up your end of the deal and dont make Joe cry when you debate him!!

By the way, Paul, I'd really appreciate it if you'd use one-syllable words in your upcoming VP debate with Joe.

Here's my 250 page budget. I'm also giving you a copy of "Finances for Dummies" to help you understand.

Who are you? W.C. Fields??

That's all the Romney papers you could find? That should do it anyway. Thanks!

So Paul, you take your plan to save Medicare down the hall on the left and put it in stall number 3…

Paul, there is no way I am going to read all of this!! I did less work at Occidental, Columbia and Harvard combined!

A real plan for a balanced budget? Ewwwww.

What, Barry? You scared of a balanced budget?

It's a plan for a balanced budget.
Go ahead. Veto it. I dare you.

Paul, Paul, Paul… you're such a conservative dreamer. We don't need no stinkin' budget!

Look Paul, I know you are smarter than me, but do you have to make it so obvious?

Eat my shorts, Barry!

Obama: I won't take this because you have a candy cane tie.
Ryan: I won't give it to you because you have a candy ass administration.

Just like LMAO, Paul, there's a 5 page limit for the budget.

Paul, I know you have a budget but I don't need no stinkin' budget because I haven't had one for over three years.

Budget, what the hell is a budget?

Paul, your budgets makes cuts, my budget will spend your cuts plus more.

Paul, I took my budget and stuck it where the "sun don't shine".

Paul, I won't have a budget unless my teleprompter gives me one.

One of these men has a plan to save America. One of them has a plan to destroy America. Which will you vote for?

Here is that list of dead registered voters that you want Barry

Look, Paul. Nobody actually reads these things. Just give me the skinny.

What, You mean no more kick backs from the Chinese Government? I don't think that's gonna fly Paul!

Just give this to Biden. He runs the budget!

No Mr.President. 2 trillion plus 12 trillion does NOT equal zero.

Paul, that's a thick document. Is that your budget or did you find my golf scorecards from the last three years?

What the heck am I suppose to do with facts and figures?

"Really Paul""If I touch your budget it wouldn't burst into flames"

I'm sorry son, you've got to dispense with all this constitutional stuff if you want to get anything even looked at in Congress!

I'm sorry Biden left the VP office such a mess. Joe thought he had 4 more years to clean it out.

Paul, let me take that plan right now and I will get you a gig much better than Biden has.

Paul, You will be very glad you have given up this plan. I will have my secretary send you the check on Monday.

You must realize Mr. Ryan, lowly representatives are not allowed to have a plan until I have one myself. So I will put this in a safe place for you.

You didn't write this!

Look, Paul, I just don't "do" budgets, OK?

Hey, it's bad enough that you're better-looking, Paul. You don't have to rub it in that you're much smarter, too.

Now, add in the $465 that each illegal will pay for a work permit and you'll see the deficit is being reduced.

I hear you're good with numbers. Here are all my golf scorecards for the year. Figure out a fair handicap for me.

Uh..Ryan give me my birth certificate and college records.
Nope uh-uh!

I just wanna quick peek Ryan at your solution.

NOT!

Can I get just a copy of Romneys food habits and schedule?

Sorry sir its finders keepers…

Ryan, don't give me proven facts. I've already made up my mind of what to do next DVD it doesn't include facts like those!

When I said, "The last thing that I wanted to go over was those documents, what I meant was…"

Those are really my college transcripts and my real birth certificate? Where did you manage to dig those up?

What do you mean, you want me to read what I signed?

Are you in there?

Yep. The light is on. But nobody's home.

Now here Paul are my budget suggestions. Make sure you take care of all my union friends!

Ryan, I didn't appreciate you injecting actual facts and logic into that meeting. It just makes our plan look stupid.

Now, Paul, I said that Obamacare was deficit-neutral. What's a little $700 plus billion grab from Medicare between friends?

Keep your budget proposal! I've already reported you to AttackWatch.com!

Paul, now just because you come here with facts, doesn't mean it's my truth.

Paul, You Know I Don't Do Numbers!!!

You're a racist, Paul! You know brothers don't do budgets. The bitches take care of that.

Budget? Fudge it.

If only you had been a Democrat and Biden a Republican 4 years ago things would be different now

If you call that a budget they obviously don't teach math at Harvard.

These are all the "legal" documents about my "American" birth.

"Here's all that mumbo jumbo on 'job creation'. Maybe you'll understand it."

You grab these out of my hands and I won't wait til November to kick your ass.

Paul, you need to lighten up – it's nearly tee time.

Just hand over the campaign strategy and no one gets hurt.

Are you serious? Don't tell me I'm actually supposed to read this stuff.

instead of discussing this….how about we talk about Biden and chains???

Why don't you let me keep this in a safe place till after the election??

Now that you haven't translated this into Kenyan, I'll be able to read it…

Sir, these were all of the jobs you promised, which never panned out. Can I shred them?

Ryan, I am a Democrat and we don't do balanced budgets.

Obama: Yes, I have my birth certificate somewhere in here. Here it is. No, that ain't it. Let me get back to you.

Paul: "I'm fired with enthusiasm." Obama: "I am about to be."

Just where do you think you're going with that copy of the Constitution?

Is that a real budget? Wow! I've never seen one before.

Now hold on. We have no use for budgets around here.

What I want is lots of pictures, and no words with more than 2 syllables. Got it?

You mean to say you want them to read your bills before they pass em? I ain't down with that Mr. Ryan.

Your qualifications are very impressive, Mr. Ryan. Did I mention that I was once a community organizer?

Can you please finish this budget homework? I've been putting it off for four years.

I don't deal with real world budgets, Paul. I am more of a theoretical budgeteer.

The fact that you brought all these documented facts and figures makes me think you're a racist Paul.

Paul, when I hear you talk about numbers like that, it just sends a thrill up my leg.

OK Barry, repeat after me, B-U-D-G-E-T

This is called a BUDGET Barry,,,,

So wait a minute Paul, your saying the numbers in parenthesis are actually negative numbers?

Barry, you are so full of s**t that I am speechless.

No, Paul, these papers only summarize the spending on the FIRST 100 vacations we took at taxpayer expense.

Obama:Ok,I'll go run these through the paper shredder.

Ryan: I DON'T THINK SO!!

Paul, you know facts scare me…….take these away.

Are you serious Barry? NO, I will not file this paperwork to change your official title to Imperial Leader!

Mr. Preident, do i understand that you never managed a McDonlds? Geez, you have'nt signed a budget in 4 years…. LOL

You didn'nt work at McDonald's? You were born where?

Here's my numbers, So call me maybe!

Thanks, Paul…my recycle bin and shredder are down the hall on the left.

Now Paul, if you persist with holding me accountable in the budget meetings you will receive my payback some day!

You're telling me you ACTUALLY read all 2700 pages on Obamacare?

NO need for this…the private sector is doing just fine!

Mr President, I have here my birth certificate, school records, College transcripts, College application, passport information, medical records… I'll show mine. You ever gonna show yours?

"Paul, stop spreading the truth. Okay?"

"Paul, forget it!! I'm sticking with Obamacare."

Since I haven't seen Harry Reid's budget, I'll take yours over his any day, Paul!

Barack, you do know what a budget is, don't you?