Barry, you have to repeal ObamaCare; I just found out that it will increase the cost of botox injections!

It true! If I make faces, it will stay this way!

What do you mean we will have to work for a living?!?

Blaming Bush is not working anymore Barry!

What is the truth Barry?

I don't know! I screwed California worse than you did the United States!! Call Bill!

But you said no one would notice the $700 Billion we took from Medicare. I'm never gonna be speaker again.

You've got to stop them, I can't go back to the private sector-I can't live off that.

What the hell am I going to do if you lose? I don't want to work for a living!

Dump Biden! I can't afford to lose anymore power!

Now pull your shit together Barry because I must become Madam Speaker again.

Screw your ego! Give Biden the sack and go beg Hillary to bail your dumb ass out of this mess.

Nancy, trying to score points, learns how to talk black from Obama.

"No, Nancy. You have to stretch it out, like this: Biiiitttccchhh"!

No Shit! The American People actually bought that? Damn, you are a Good Liar!

Barry, me being on the ticket can't be any worse than that idiot Joe.

Barry, if you can't get Hillary to run, then what's wrong with second best woman in the Dummycrat party?

Barry, what are we going to do? People are starting to see thru our lies.

Barry, why don't you just issue an "executive order" making me the Speaker of the House and we could screw this country some more?

Nancy, you old bag, if you hadn't lost your Speaker's job, we would still be tax and spending to our heart's content.

YOU TOLD THEM THE TRUTH??? OH HELL NO!

Really Barry, Botox isn't covered under Obama/Taxcare!

What do you mean you left my Karl Marx autographed "Manifesto" in Mecca?

But Barry, you said I couldn't get pregnant!

Look, I have lied my ass off for you. You WILL give me more waivers from Obamacare or else!!

"Speaking of building, I've got the name of someone who could 'rebuild' those ears for you."

Ok Barry, let me try it again: "Yo, yer white ass be go'in down!" How's that?

OHHH SHOT HE’S GOING TO ASK ME TO BABYSIT JOE!!

I know it's campaign season and all Barack, but you must be out of your mind if you think I'm going to read the Constitution!

… and then…Michelle swung me around by my ankles and threw me out of her office!!!

But I can't ride on commercial airlines…there's no private wet bar!

Barry, I'm getting worried…I think they've read it and found out what was in it!

We passed the bill so you could find out what is in it, and you still don't know?

No, I didn't read your birth certificate. It lists me as your mother?

"What,your wife found out you Are Banging me"

Do not reveal to the HUmans we are Here!

Barry, what do you mean the ACA doesn't cover my Botox?

I just read the health care law to find out what's in it…Botox Tax!!!

"Aww c'mon, I even brought a cigar!"

If I had a son, he might look just like Nancy.

you want to do what with that cigar?

Im sorry Nancy but Obamacare will no longer pay for your depends.

Obama calls Nancy to have a private and confidential chat. Barack said "I gotta get this off my chest…or I will screw up my campaign..Would you still continue to support me if I tell you, I am really….

Nancyanticipating… interrupting:"Barry, aside from me, now, who else knows you're gay? Does Michelle know???

Or…same scenario but Nancy's perplexed expression suggests her following question:

Nancy: "No!!!! You mean Michelle is a lesbian?"

I'm pregnant and it's yours!

Really? You don't look half white.

I just read the Obamacare bill – I don't like what's in it!!

What do you mean you're switching my insurance to Obamacare?!?

It's true, Barry! Susan B. Anthony is sitting in this chair with me right now, along with Sojourner Truth, Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, Farrah Fawcett, W.C. Fields, Marlon Brando, Stan Getz, the guys who invented the reclining chair…

You really weren't born in the United States!

What do ya mean we're both goin' to hell??

"Boo!"

Barry, I just read that healthcare bill to find out what was in it and I don't understand a single word of it!

Barry,when nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not, hmmm?

THEY STILL GET TO VOTE! I THOUGHT WE CHANGED THAT!

What do you mean a Tax on Botox

"Helen Thomas?, I'm not Helen Thomas!"

Can you sign an executive order for me, Diane Feinstein and Maxine Waters to have our varicose veins removed?

I got wet and I'm melting!

Barry your so full of shit I can smell it on your breath!

MARS!! I'm telling you – they've landed and will find the mother ship. You have to warn Tom Cruise.

I don't understand. What do you mean we may have to get real jobs? What the #uck is a real job?

We have a constitution???

The Easter Bunny too???

"Yes, master. Speak and I shall obey!"

Barack, I'm all out of Dom Perignon, you gotta get my plane back.

What do you mean they found the video of you and I in the sand trap?

You're going with Biden AGAIN?

The Jones Act? Serious? You denied BP a cleanup ship because of the Jones Act?

If you aren't re-elected, can I still keep the plane?

I finally finished reading our healthcare bill. Do you realize the crap that's in there?

Barry! I've lost my giant gavel! An aid said Biden was seen playing 'chain-gang' with it.

It took me years to get out from under the house in the Wizard of Oz, and now you're gonna throw me under a bus?

Wait! The Catholic church DOESN'T support abortion?

You mean we both will be out of a job soon? Good thing I will still get paid for doing nothing. Gotta love our retirement plan.

Psycho, or only crazy?

What, you ate my dog?!?!

Yeah but Barak when Bill and Monica did that, he was the one holding the cigar!

Barry, about that pardon you promised me for lying on those certification documents in 2008, I need it now so I can see what's in it!

So, if Harry and I endorse Mitt, you really think his poll numbers will drop? Could it be that easy?

If we're really spending money faster than we can print it, just sign an executive order for more printing presses.

"Nancy,that's not my leg your're squeezing!"

Barry, tell me again the part in Obamacare about fairy dust for all!

Barry, what do you mean by "I don't have tenure?"

I already KNOW it's really small, Nancy. Now, get your hand out of my pants!

I'm not really as ugly as the media says, am I Barry?

I KNOW IT SOUNDS A LITTLE CRAZY, BUT MY REAL NAME IS NOT BARRY SOETO. IT REALLY IS JOSEPH STALIN DAVIS. I WAS NAMED AFTER THE GREAT WORLD LEADER AND MY REAL DAD. MY MOM MESSED AROUND.

IF YOU LET THE UN MILITARY TAKE CONTROL. THAT MEANS I LOOSE MY MILLIONS AND MY WINE BUSINESS ALSO. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET A REAL JOB?

"No, Nancy. If you want to do minstrel you have to open your eyes wider. All right! Now go get dem black votes!"

Dammit Barry, you said no one would find out about my Pacific Heights home. What will those little piss ants that support me think?

"No…I can't change this expression."

"What do you mean 'We've run out of people to blame?'"

"You actually read the bill? Why?"

"Really? My wrinkles are Bush's fault?"

My husband found out, Barry. Now he wants your ass!

No, Barry, I can't go on anymore like this. The menage a tois is killing me…You have to let Valerie go…and Michelle, too. They have been cheating on you…"

Barry, Please, one more time…just one more time…I promised my family I will fly them all in Air Force One for Thanksgiving…just right after the elections… you did say you are sure to win, didn't you? Whaaat? What does Joe Biden know anyway?"

"WE COME UNDER OBAMACARE?!"

We gonna do a joint before we do the wild thing, big boy?

Joe said "I was incompetent!"

I make crazy faces Mr.President because I am crazy…

Don't worry about it Barack, what you're doing to this country is "legitimate" rape.

"You mean I can I be Botox Czar?"

No, Boss, my face is stuck with this look from so many Botox injections

Really Barry! My plastic surgeon can do WONDERS for those ears!

"But Barry, people will probably become suspicious if I vote more than 5 times"

But..You promised me a job for life!

Can you make me look Muslim? I need somewhere to hide after November

Can we "deem & pass" Romney out of a 30th-story window?

Can't you have Boehner killed off by Executive Order?

Paul says he will ask for a divorce if I lose my House seat and have to haunt our own mansion again.

Harry and I want to welcome you to the Faces-That-Get-Channels-Changed-Fastest Club, Barack.

Okay, Mr. President … let me get this straight. Are you saying you've HAD work or you've DONE work?

And in essence,you're telling me that Michelle will get Frequent Flyer miles and I won't?

Hey, dumbass… if it's not on the teleprompter, DON'T SAY IT!!

But Mr. President, I'm not Monica!

What do you mean you're scratching botox off the Congressional healthcare list? Do you really expect me to put hemorrhoid cream on my face? Are you preparing me for Obamacare?

Michelle sat on someone and snuffed them out?

What do ya mean your presidential library is going to be built in Kenya

you need to cut something besides my private jet expense

You da baby daddy B-Dawg

For the last time Nancy I think you look great!!!

Nancy is astounded to finally notice that Barry's eyeballs have a "white part" to them.

Barry, I hate to tell you, but you are too black for America and too white for San Fran!

What do you mean! BOTOX is not covered under Obamacare?

That little thing? That's what sent the thrill up Mathhews' leg? Sorry, Barry, I'm not impressed.

A five iron on the health care bill? Now you're sounding like Joe!

Sorry Nancy. I don't see a Supreme Court seat in your future.

"Throw the ball. Throw the ball. Throw it, throw it!"

Why didn't you tell me earlier that you are gay and Michelle is really a guy in drag?? You'll win the SF vote for sure!

Really??? You want me to bring a cigar next time?

You're telling me you weren't actually sent from the heavans?

I think I just peed my pants

Then this house came down and landed on my sister…

you want me to get under what desk?

"But you didn't build this administration Barry, we did."

If you do not do what I tell you I will cut off your balls and put them with joes

"Damn Barry that crack was awsome."