Now Barry… You need to stop spending… until January!!

"Yeah… That Columbian hooker was this tall…"

… So I pushed Monica's head back down and said 'just pretend it's a cigar!'"

Barry, you got to dump Joe and put Hillary on the ticket. I want back into the White House in the worst way.

Barry, I'm glad you came to me for advice because your teleprompter is leading you to defeat in November.

Barry, if you want some golf tips, I'm not the man you should be asking. Ask Tiger, you're both half and half.

Barry, you had better wait until you get a second term before you push wanting to be a dictator.

Barry, I know what being an ultra left wing liberal nut job is and buddy, you are to the left of me.

Barry, it's real simple, you lie but you need to look sincere about it.

Barry, are those porn tapes still in the Oval Office?

So Barry, how many "interns" have you done so far?

Barry, I know you smoke but you need a cigar not a cigarette if your going to do that trick I taught you.

I've told you.. interns Barry.. interns! That's the secret to the second term.

If you get caught in another lie, just ask them to define 'lie'. It worked for me.

Okay, if I campaign for you and you win, do you promise to keep Hillary out of Chappaqua for the next four years?

Now, listen hear you little arrogant Soros puppet. Stop comparing yourself to me or I'll have you found with a self inflicted gun shot wound too!

Barry I know you are trying to quit, but you don't have to "smoke" the cigars…

Barry, do you know where that "cigar" was before you smoked it.

Bill, I saw some of those captions you wrote on LMAObama.com and they weren't very funny.

Bill, how can I do a better job of bringing my "white" side out?

Bill, I can tell just as good a lie as you can.

Bill, what is your secret to keeping away from Hillary so much? I need to know.

Bill, Michelle has taken so many vacations. I don't know what I can do to make her stop.

"I had to make up a ridiculous lie that I never inhaled, and you write about using pot and cocaine and nobody even notices. Man I just cannot believe how much I changed the world!"

Now if you're in to bestiality, Hillary is an entirely different kind of animal…

Now hold on, Holmes. Even I knew where to publicly draw the line on entitlements

Now fat chicks…they make great humidors!

Use your hand like this to push her head down. Worked with Monica.

I'm a two-termer Barry, don't talk to me again if you lose in November.

Hitting on Hillary is both inexplicable and futile.

No Barry, I DON'T want to pretend we're getting married. Now stop playing with yourself!

"You pompous, arrogant ass. You're dragging the entire democratic party down with you."

No mater what Lie, Lie, lie…………………….

..so if you can just keep my heart growing ever fonder of her, I'd be obliged, Barry.

If they try to impeach you, ask them to define "high crimes and misdemeanors". That'll keep 'em busy.

Barry, it really depends on what the meaning of "is" is when your trying to tell a lie.

Barry, your going to have to quit blaming Bush and start throwing people "under the bus" so that you can blame them.

Barry, your doing a great job of blaming anybody else but yourself. Keep it up and you might get reelected.

Bill, you and I both know I suck at this job but damn it I deserve four more years because there are still vacation places that Michelle needs the taxpayers to pay for.

Now you just hold it right there, Barack… Everybody knows I was the America's first Black president.

Now hold it right there, Barack. Everybody knows I was America's first Black president.

Pompous and arrogant meets cheater and liar.

Mr. Arrogant looks down his nose at everyone.

"Tell them that it was only Michelle who took those vacations and you had hundreds of private meetings with the jobs council.

You can't do to the country what I did to Monica.

"All you got to do is tell her your going out for a cup of coffee and then….."

It's like this Barack! You fix me up with the pretty WH staff Alisha, and I will make sure all the women I have been with vote for you!

Just remember Barack. It doesn't matter how many lies you tell. Just make sure they are hidden until after the election!

Barack,
I may have a big surprise for you at the Democratic National Convention!!!

Barry, just promise you won't … in their mouth.

You've got to face the facts Barry… you're fucked!

Take it from me Barry… start packing your bags now 'cuz son, you ain't got a chance in hell come November.

"… so I started to wipe it off and Monica said, 'No! I want to keep it as a souvenir!' BIG mistake!"

Barry if you keep her taveling for the next three months you've got my vote again!!!

Listen – This is how you do it. Fast and Furious – then, claim Executive Privilege.

Bill: Socialist
Barry: Socialist
Yup, BS & more BS.

Remember youve got to treat these interns with respect—-gently hold their heads down like this.

Barry, I promise to keep my hands off the interns if you will just let me back into the White House.

I said I smoked it but I didn't inhale, and they bought it. All you have to do is say you signed it but you didn't read it. See how easy it is?

If they catch you in a lie, say you misspoke. It sounds nicer.

Look at it this way. Fast & Furious killed only 1 Border Patrol agent. Now if it killed 15 illegal aliens, then you lose all those votes.

Back away, boy… you're in my personal space.

First things first. Get all the dead people onto the voter rolls again. How do you think Hillary got elected Senator in NY?

Of course you didn't say… You didn't build it.. somebody else said that

You take her head in your hand like this… just below the desk and out of site.

I dn't want to have to explain this agian I was the first black president!

Barry find somebody else. I can't do that. I promised Hillary no more cheating.

No Barry! If Hillary catches us she'll have us both whacked!

Just keep pushing her head down

It doesn't look good Barack. You and Michelle need to start removing the stuff you plan to steal from the White House, now.

You can't spend the debt down

Shit filter is full. You don't stand a chance in hell in November, Barry.

"Now Michelle's got a nice round ass of her own…."

"OK Bill, you can have one grope but only one."

Back up Barry, you're in my bubble.

Look, I've had NO sexual realtions with Michelle.

No non no, rock beats scissors…

Maybe we can settle this over some watermelon and grape kool aid.

There's always a way out. I just told them I didn't inhale…

Now,hold it there, Barry: I'm not going to show you how to kiss Michelle to make it look believable.

So, remember, Barry: no serving of tomatoes at the banquet, Hillary suddenly hates tomatoes.

Barry, you've got to learn how to read the teleprompter. Else, they'll figure out we're Communists.

Berry, I don't care if you did buy a box of cigars, NO, I will not meet you in the Oval Office.

Make sure to give that gorilla you call your wife a nice smack on the ass, she'll like that.

Barry, let me be your spokesman. The people like me, they don't really care for you.

Barry, what did I tell you? Get to the middle in your first term and then screw them if you get a second term.

Barry, that "you didn't build that" statement is stupid. Of course they built it so that you could take it away. That's the way socialism works.

Gently massage the American people, Barry. Massage them like an intern. A little to the left, a little to the right, and the voters will melt in your arms this November.

I dont care WHAT you say Barry, I was the first black President.

No, Barry, take your hands out of your pants. I don't need to see your bulge. Mine is bigger anyway.

The thing is Barack, I'm blacker than you'll ever be and I just can't understand you brother.

I told you before, Barry, I will not give you five after your damn hand has been playing pocket pool!

Barry, whip that smug off your face. Your about to lose the election and all you can think about is golf.

Look, Barack, you're supposed to screw the intern, not the country.

…and then I pushed her head down one more time, screamed…and you know what happened next. A blue dress needed dry cleaning.

Two all beef patties, special sauce, oh god do I HATE being a vegetarian.

(Thought bubble over Obama: "Who does this white m—– f—– think he is giving me advice.

Look son, and I say son because if I HAD a son, he would look just like you.

So you get yourself a good Cuban cigar, then a female intern, then…..

I like to slap that big ass like this. Oh, you like skinny guys, my bad Barry.

Now after your defeat, take some time off, go back home to your Muslim brothers, get a new wife or two, about this tall, no older than 12…

Dam Barry did you fart!!!!!

Just chill out! I've got your back when election day rolls around.

Then you just put your hand on her head like this and… Does Michelle ever…?

Can I touch it Barry? Is it bigger than a baby's arm?

barry calm down i will make sure you can visit chicago how does january 21st sound

I gotta be honest with ya, Barack…you're a bit too narcissistic for this job.

Listen Barry! No matter how many times you ask me, I am not letting you play sit and spin on my bulbous nose!

This babbling old geezer wouldn't know REAL socialism if it was riding his cigar.

First, you lure her back to your office…

I wouldn't smoke those cigars on your desk if I were you.

I know B, I know, she's your wife, but damn, that ass!

"She was the most fun when her head was down to about here."

"Back up, Barry. I am not that kind of guy"

"…gotta tell-ya Barry..a teenie little dab of KY …….and the rest is E…Z! TRUST ME!