Joe, the unemployment rate is still over 8%, I'm going to the golf course!

No Soros, they found out it was a tax. Now what do we do?

What do you mean I can't take anymore vacations this close to the election?

Yes, Michelle, no, Michelle…….

I have to use a bus???? I can't, I won't.

What? I'll have to wait three months to see the doctor? I'm supposed to be exempt from my healthcare mandate!

For the last time, just put it all on the taxpayer's credit card!

Michelle, don't panic; I'm sending more taxpayer dollars over to you so you can keep shopping.

Seriously, I never expected Roberts to take my side on that one.

Rahm, do you think you can get me my community organization job back?

Oh hell, what did Joe say now?

"I have to say what, Mr Soros?"

"oh, Syria needs a replacement Muslim leader, and I've been chosen for my three+ years experience, Mr. Soros, ……Mr. Soros?

"It's a repetitive stress injury. The doctor said to take a vacation and I will be back to groveling at the feet of world leaders in no time."

Michelle, not another vacation, please.

Omg…I don't have time for this President crap. I wanna go play golf!

Romney is HOW many points ahead???

"For Spanish, press 1…"

Joe said what?

"No, Michelle, I can't call you from Chicago. This cable is not long enough."

"Hello, AP? Yes, I'm in Afganistan under heavy fire. Yes, be sure to report I'm in mortal danger. Sure, say I may give my life for this country. Thanks."

Michelle found out I had a had a hamburger? Oh hell!

It's 10:30… I just woke up!

There are six things to do on my desk. I need a break.

Facepalm 2012

Eric, Fast and Furious is killing me. I said to blow my erection, not blow my election.

OH NO. DON'T TELL ME. WE'VE NOW LOST OHIO BECAUSE SOME WOMAN DIED. I DO HAVE THAT AFFECT ON WHITE FOLK.

HEY LOOK CHEF! YOU CAN'T SERVE SALAD TO THE PREZ OF A DICTATORSHIP. HE WANTS A POWER SANDWICH WITH KOSHER MEAT.

NOW WHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION IT SAYS I HAVE TO DO THAT. OH! IT DOES. CAN I IGNORE THAT CLAUSE TOO?

YOU SAY I CAN SLEEP IN THE BACK OF THIS BUS. AND IT'S MADE IN CANADA. I WANT OUT.

NOW WE HAVE THIS GUY COMING FROM THE SUEZ CANAL. WHEN I GET ON MY KNEES AND KISS HIS A-S, DO I HAVE TO FACE MECCA OR DO I WAIT UNTIL AFTER DINNER?

"…you say Michelle found the chili dog wrappers and then…. oh, I can see where this is going".

(Will this woman EVER shut up?)

It can't be raining! My tee time is at 10:00!

It can't be! We never lost the dead voter poll in Florida before.

"No, I won't open my eyes! If I don't see those poll numbers they aren't for real."

"Mr. President? This is the Secret Service. The coast is clear, scarecrow one has left the building."

"They've forclosedon on my mansion in Chicago AGAIN?!?!"

Man, we've only got four months to go, don't tell me America's waking up NOW!

Usually I make the American taxpayer bend over.

To apologize to Putin, press 1. To apologize to Assad, press 2. To apologize to Karzai, press 3. For all other apologies please hold while we connect you to an apologist representative…

"oh no both teleprompters aren't working"

Ugh, the golf match was cancelled? You mean I actually have to play President today?

The doctor told me to bend over and put my elbows on the chair…Joe came in and stuck something up my ass, then ran away laughing.

POTUS plays hide-and-seek with our liberties

I have to renew thos damn Bush tax cuts AGAIN??

Yes, Mr. Soros, I'm hiding my eyes.
Yes, Mr. Soros, I'm bending over.
Yes, Mr. So…..

"Hello, is this Mayflower? I'd like to reserve a dozen trucks for January 20th."

"I'm gonna close my eyes and pretend these employment numbers are wrong, Jay."

We are out of pudding? No, you tell Michelle!

Michelle, the Choom Gang can't make it. I'll have to apologize for them — AGAIN.

Obama looking very presidential.

"All the switchboard operators walked away in disgust today, so you're the only one here to answer the taxpayer's calls about the new TAX on the healthcare!"

Yea Bill the jobs numbers arn't too good can you distract the people with another sex scandal

The Media fixed the last election, why can't they fix the unemployment numbers?

I really , really need to speak with Reverend Wright—would you please tell him its Barry calling.

All right, all right, Joe. We can play one more time. I'll count to 20.

"Well, technically, I don't see anything that needs to be done today. Tee time in 1 hour sounds great!"

"I know I told you that was going to be the last time…but I'm going have to blame one more thing on you"

"Fine… just give me an order of Kung Pao Poodle."

"Ok Iran, I'm gonna close my eyes and count to 10 while you go and hide your nuclear program. 1…2…3…"

If I cover my eyes, the Constitution doesnt exist

"Who am I going to blame during my second term, Bush is out, Joe, Holder, Hillary, Rahm, Bill, Arizona, Romney, lots of possibilities?"

"if the election were held today, would you vote for Mitt Romney? Press "1″ for Yesor "2″ for No."

Hello? Is this Three Men and a Truck? Yeah, I'm lookin' at moving…

Joe,you really put your foot in your mouth on this one!

Now I have to tell China I might not have another 4 years to take down the U.S What am I going to do now?

Aw jeez, what did Joe say this time?

Come on John—what's it gonna be?

Doesn't that idiot in Iran realize I'll give him anything he wants!

Lying really is making my nose longer.

Barney Frank got married? Now what am I going to do for "Boys Night Out"?

Hotel Pitrizza is sold out for those dates? She's going to be so pissed.

You want me to tell the actual truth to somebody… NO FRIGGIN WAY!

Why?! Why?! Why can't these damned Americans just back down and see it my way?

Henry Winkler crying to his mom on The Waterboy with a disconnected phone comes to mind….Mom, what do I do? Nobody likes me.

"Listen, you have GOT to fix that teleprompter! I can't possibly memorize the answers to all of these pre-arranged questions!"

"The Chinese have repossessed the White House? Valerie Jarrett didn't pay the mortgage? How long do we have? January 20? Hey, that coincides with….."

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? TISSUES!! I NEED TISSUES!!!

Can you please tell the damn switchboard to tell Reverand Wright I am on a smoke break

"Hey, Barry, it's Joe! Look, I'm at the NAACP convention. What are some of those old negro spirituals your people like to sing?"

S#&% they know I'm faking?! How am I going to make it another term?!

Michelle sweetie pie, can't we have something other than micky d's ?? I am getting tired of big macs

Michelle Honey, that photo in Esquire doesn't make your booty look big, really…

"Look, it's after 5:00, can I transfer you to someone who gives a crap?"

UGH! Michelle is nude again! YUCK!

"Welcome to the Center for Health and Human Services. Your concerns are very important to us. Please hold for the next available representative. Your wait time is now: one-hundred-twenty-minutes."

OK, Mr. Putin, I'm bending over and waiting for you right now.

Michelle's ass is how wide now????

Yes, Michelle, I did sneak in a pizza yesterday.

Wow! Tofurkey for dinner tonight. That sounds…umm…wonderful, Honey.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN; I CANT BLAME THIS ONE ON BUSH?

What do you mean, I can's have a third-term after this one? Oh, an amendment? Well we will just say that it is racist to keep a black person down and we can have it repealled. Ok so you start writing up the 28th amendment to outlaw the 22nd one while I go play golf.

I want to come home, Abdullah. People are so mean to me here.

I desperately need a Reverend Wright fix.

Are you serious, Romney's top choice for VP a black woman? Guess I should've attended th NAACP Convention in person…

WHAT! they found my High School year book ?

But Reggie, I love you, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!

What do you mean Bain wasn't Romney's fault?? My whole election is ruined! Call MSNBC to use the Race Card for now on!

GOOD ALLAH, Joe said WHAT about performance?

Romney's going with Condi? I suppose we better play the Hildebeest card. Joe will understand.

Ohhhhh, not the birth certificate thing again?

"Look, I TOLD you guys, I'd be more flexible after the election!"

Oh No ! Joe said what !

"World War 3? So? Is that supposed to cancel my tee time?"

Why am I dealing with Michelle's catering issues? My tee time is in 30 minutes.

"Look man I got behind my chair, I even covered my eyes, but ain't no way I'm gonna do that. Wait, for how much?"

I don't want Hillary on the ticket with me because she might "Vince Foster" me.

Just fill in those blank "Executive Orders" I gave you to get whatever you need.

Besides all those gift registries we're using to get donations, how about those "In lieu of flowers…" thing?

Gosh, I'm screwed if I have to get re-elected based on my record.

Just how are we going to stop all that vetting that is being done for this election cycle?

Look, we have to find a better way to disguise those vacations Moochelle is taking this year.

Look, just what is so hard about getting "super sized" french fries for Moochelle?

Are you sure we can't blame George Bush for that, we blamed him for everything else?

Look, we can still play the "race card" if all else fails.

Look, we don't have to do anything for the blacks, who else are they going to vote for?

What do you mean I can't use "Executive Order" to make me "dictator" for life?

We don't need no stinkin' Constitution, I haven't followed it yet so why start now.

Look, I need to practice more golf so that I have something to fall back on if I lose the election.

Hey, if my teleprompter tells me I'm going to win the election, then that is good enough for me.

Sorry Mr. Soros, but I just can't seem to get a single thing right. I must really be the halfwit they say I am.

Yes, I understand its 3am… but what does that have to do with me getting some chili fries?

"Oh no….Does Soros know?

"What did you do this time Joe?"

November is how many weeks away?

No… I mean hypothetically speaking… if I was not a citizen… and if I was engaging in dismantling the constitution and the military….

Oh, no, my grades got out. They'll know how dumb I am now.

Moochelle, don't worry I can always go back to being a "Community Organizer".

Well of course I made it thru law school with affirmative action, how else was I going to do it?

What do you mean they have my real birth certificate?

…Seven, eight, nine, ten…. Ready or not, "Free World", here I come!