This is my bullshit detector going off….I guess they're ready for me to talk.

I wonder which agent keeps referring to me as "The Dark Lord?"

My brain has to be in here somewhere…

And tell Bloomberg when I get to New York that I want the Big Mac with Fries waiting on me.

Don't pull on them Barry, you can't afford to make them any bigger.

Stretching his ears in an attempt to make them proportionate with his head.

Glad I haven't been pulling my nose.

"Secret Service here Barry, we have just taken away their forks. You can start lying to them now."

"If I pull my right ear once I'm lying, if I pull my…uh, nevermind, I'm always lying!"

Would you like to Biggie Size that deficit sir?

I can't take any questions, I'm on the phone.

Hello. Is there any intelligent life out there?

"Yes, Mr. Soros."

Obama Care is law, and I'm still losing to that Mormon ex-Governor?

The Republicans found your real birth certificate

Dang, I keep hearing that "you lie" echo in my head over and over, I wonder why?

Does my tiny brain make my ears look big?

I'm so glad we had this time together
Just to torch some laws and share a bong
Seems we just got started, and before you know it
Comes the time we have to say, "So long"

Yeah Michelle… It's me… I hope those bags
are packed.. They're onto us!! Those one
way tickets to Kenya are in the top drawer!

Come on John—-who's your buddy?

Wait now, I am receiving some new info from ear peice. Yep its just been confirmed. News agencies across the world are reporting that Jimmy Carter is no longer considered the worst president in world history. Ha I have done it, i have gotten my self in the record books. Yea man. Blow job tonigh is in order. Yea man I am da man.

"…what's that? Oprah just walked in the room? Oh shit…get me something to eat before she eats everything. And while you're at it…charge her double for the ticket 'cause she'll take up two seats"!

I keep feeling his draft going through my ears…

I keep feeling this draft go through my ears

"Dish Network to Barry, Barry to Direct TV"

"Wait, there's a draft between my ears"

Cyrano de Bergerac listens for his next line.

Dumbo prepares his ears for flight.

"Not now, Joe. I'm on the phone. Geesh!"

what !! the illegal's are here! get dinner ready!

What do you know. Michelle was right. When I pull on my ear it does sound like a sea shell.

The hookers are ready? I'll be right over.

I can't shut out that little voice tellin' me I'm a liar….

Glad I don't play poker. My ear itches when I lie.

"Bill showed me the invisible cell phone trick. Now they won't ask questions."

Copy That…
Black Cock Down!
Black Cock Down!

Nw when I pull my ear like this grab everything and run like hell..

"SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE TELEPROMPTER AGAIN. MY SPEECH IS WRITTEN IN CHINESE."

"JUST A MINUTE. MY ORDERS ARE COMING THROUGH IN ARABIC AGAIN."

No..I'm tugging on my LEFT ear, that means I'm spewing more lies..get it left/lies????

No…I'm NOT tugging on my left ear, that means I'm spewing more lies. Get it..left=lies?

When I pull my ear like this, that means you ask me the rehearsed "tough" question.

B.O. Phone Home!

"What?? What the hell you mean they found my birth certificate??"

Do I really look that much like Curious George?

Damn, my teleprompter is dead. Quick! Soros! Tell me what to say next.

if I say my ear hurts, maybe I can call in sick and not face them today.

Oh Shit, there's the guy that paid my Harvard tuition.

I need to hid my earring until they find out I'm gay.

They say that every time I touch my ear, an illegal voter gets amnesty!

No, they really are real. I can hear like a bat!

Sounds like Bull crap!

THERE IS GOING TO BE A BIG EAR TAX BECAUSE PEOPLE WITH BIG EARS CAN HEAR BETTER… CAN YOU HEAR ME?

"See, I pulled on this ear, and my eyes went to this side, am I one of Jeff Dunham's dummies like Joe is 'Walter'"

"Let me try to pull my finger, no that's Joe's trick"

Cyrano de Liealot

Damn, air pressure in my head is getting low!

Damn it worked for Barbara Eden…

Damn wrong crowd… I'll try my 'I Dream of Genie' trick… oh damn…

Thats where I hid that roach…

Where's my teleprompter? I wanna see it not hear it!

Sir… Joe is shitting in the jambalaya again…

This isn't working… where are my ruby slippers..

Get me the f**k outta here…

Dammit! I lost that diamond stud again! Have to get the taxpayers to buy me another one!

"Hello, Michelle? I put on the wrong jacket again. This one has an american flag pin on it."

one tug if by land two if by sea!!!!

Solution to the problem in Egypt, They want a new Muslim leader, Give them ours.

"For my next trick, I'll pull a food stamp out from behind my ear!"

Ok, send in the heckler so I look like the victim again!

There is a big sign that says "SCOAMF". Somebody Google it and tell me what it means.

Mr. Marx—-is that you?

Yes, Soros, I can hear you now.

"What the hell do you mean by 'America's waking up?'"

Uh-oh. Which one of these switches operates my mouth?

Barry channels Carol Burnett during his farewell speech.

No, my ears will NOT look funny when I have my crown on!

Okay, you want me to start with "lets make this perfectly clear" Mr. Soros?

Moochelle btiched me out so bad that my ears are still ringing

American people to Barry. American people to Barry. Anybody home?

I thought my nose was supposed to grow when I lied…

"I just realized that after I'm through destroying the economy, there won't be any money left to put my picture on."

WHEN I PULL MY EAR LIKE THIS. DON'T STAND BEHIND ME WITHOUT A GAS MASK.

I saw this in "Men in Black." You tug the ear and the face opens up. Inside you see he is not an American but an ALIEN!

"Blame it on Bush isn't working any more"

Hi Joe
yea they're out of the spongebob icepops

Execute Order 66? It will be done my Lord!

What.. the secret service doesn't want to take a bullet for me? I knew I should have hired Bin Laden's men for protection.