Sunday, January 20, 2013, 12:01pm.

Which teleprompter do I use?

Settle down, everyone is getting free Kool-Aid!

Okay, how many of you think I'm a socialist moron?

Please refrain from taking more pictures of me, I'm tired of ending up on LMAObama.

Are you sure the french fries were grown in Michelle's garden?

I'll have 3 illegal executive orders with a side of executive privilege please.

Oh crap, I forgot my food stamps

Thanks, but I think we need more servers to take Michelle's order.

Hold on…Hold on, This is harder than being President.

Who's buying??

All of this will be free my brotha'a, if you will all just vote for me!

"An application! All I want is a job application!"

"The char-grilled Schnauzer and onion rings please."

"I created all your jobs."

"Heil!"

"Heil to the chef."

"Who wants choom with their blow… er, Coke?

I'll take 4 applications… One for me, one for Joe, one for Michelle and another for Eric Holder…

"OK, we only have one flavor of re-election Kool-Aid here, so drink up all you want, pass it around to your young friends"

"We have Michelle's non-fat fries here(HA) eat all you want with some free kool-aid"

"Fries, burger and kool-aid, with free healthcare, what more could you want?"

"Anyone here unemployed because of Bush? I've got free food,Social Security & healthcare. You won't have to pay until 45 more years or when you get a job"

"I've got your free stuff right here"

"Wow, these teleprompters have pictures!"

"If Michelle calls, I had a bottle of water and a dry salad."

Make sure you vote November 6th or I'll have ACORN on you like grease on fries!

Let me be clear, you're not allowed drink in the unemployment line.

"Who wants to sit on my Death Panels?"

"I'll take one of everything since you all are buying."

Re-elect me, and I promise ALL Americans will be working at McDonalds!

"…so we're now regulating the amount of happiness in these Kids Meals!"

"I don't care what Bloomberg said. I'm the president and I want that Super-sized drink up there!"

"Hold on, I'll pay, I'll pay. I'm sure I got a twenty on me. Uh, anyone want to buy a Nobel medallion?"

No, you salute with your LEFT hand to The One

"Sir, does the Boomberg 16oz Kool-Aid come in diet?"

Barry tries out a shovel-ready job in Atlanta

Barry auditions Secret Service interns at the Varsity Inn

"Everything on your menu to go, Michelle's got the munchies tonight, three foot-long dogs for me, charge it to the taxpayers"

Shoot when I say "government cheese."

Order up folks! I'll pay the total from my "stash."

Gimme 2 abortions, 3 false teeth and 31 birth control pills—-to go!

Cash is not needed here, the government will pick up the tab!

Look at this, Michelle! A black teen unemployment rate over 40%, and these idiots STILL love me.

"You know why these combo meals are more expensive since I took office? It's Bush's fault."

"…and Joe would like extra crayons with his Happy Meal if possible!"

"…so if you want to keep getting your welfare checks, I'm gonna need each of you to vote 3 or 4 times this November!"

I bless you my sub-saharan bretheren with gold teeth paid for by my healthcare plan.

Look!!! You guys actually serve hot…dogs? I'll take two without the collar please.

Welcome to the wonderful world of wieners, your grand pu bah has arrived.

See Shaqueebia, I told you he don't look like no Socialist, he just play one on the TV.

Now, all your drinks are under 16 oz, right?

2013: Meet the new assistant manager at Arby's of Nairobi

Hold on, hold on. Wait your turn. You're all qualified. Who wants to be the next president?

You say you only have food stamps? Let's see what you can get with that…

What Michelle's fat ass don't see won't hurt her.

Hold on, hold on, I'll have the Obama special — Everything on the menu and the guy behind me pays.

"Value menu items are only 99 cents. Small fries 99 cents….who wrote this speech? Oooops, that's not a teleprompter!"

Gimme 3 hearing aids and 2 hip replacements—-hold the death panels.

You can all relax.. I just came to smoke
my bong in the bathroom…the food does
look appealing now that I have the munchies!
Yep…one of everything… To go!!!

All you white kids step aside. Today we are serving black kids only. With every order you all black kids get to take a 20 out of the cash drawer. You white kids in the back go home and tell mommy someone took your lunch money.

Go to the back now..it's the illegal aliens time to order.

All you niggas just settle down … we made sure the white folks is paying for this….

You All want lies with that…? We have plenty…!!!

I'll have the super-sized Choom-burger and I'll wash it down with that 32 oz. strawberry shake. Then, give me a few of those choom brownies. Man, it's like I'm back in Hawaii.

Everybody that is on Food Stamps, raise your hand, or camera.

These voter's are NOT racist!

Obama's next job: Fast Food

If Obama wins in 2012, you'll ALL be working in fast food.

THIS WINNING CAPTION STOLEN FROM A CONAN O'BRIEN MONOLOGUE

Shouldn't you be making my food right now?