I wonder if I can get this piece of dog out of my teeth before I start my speech?

Why am I using my handkerchief when there's that perfectly good flag to my right?

Barry pulls the "Bulls*it" sneeze gag during his own speech.

"Achoo! Ohhh I'm so allergic to liberty, integrity and personal responsibility."

"…and, sniff sniff, if you hold Eric Holder in contempt, it'll make me look bad and hurt my feelings."

"…and then, sob boohoo, I gave the go ahead to take Bin Laden out. Boohoo… Oh why why why did I do that?"

Burp! Damn, German Shepherds give me gas!

HEADLINE: PRESIDENT OBAMA CHLOROFORMS HIMSELF TO AVOID QUESTIONS DURING PRESS CONFERENCE

'scuse me, I had a tiny bit of BS showing on my lips, and I didn't want to spit it on my teleprompter

"I remember Mao's 'Great Leap Forward'. people debate if it was worth the forty five million or so lives. I well remember the day he died. sniff sniff."

Ugh, the stench of Americans is strong here.

Snotty

Wait a minute, I'm still wiping off bullsh!t I spewed out in my previous speech.

Wiping his butthole

I swear, I'll puke if they mention "liberty" again.

"Every time that I have to say 'and God bless America' I throw up in my mouth a little."

"My ass must be jealous of all the crap that comes out of my mouth!"

If you got bad news, you wanna kick them blues; cocaine…

Boy these Tea Partiers make me sick!

This podium smells like responsibility. I think I may be sick.

If I have to say "Constitutional" one more time, I'm gonna hurl.

My bullshit is even getting to much for me to stomach.

I can't seem to wipe this arrogant smile off my face….

"Man, all these lies are givin me a nose bleed!'

Barry applies disinfectant after kissing Soros's ass.

Barry inhales model airplane glue after being asked an unrehearsed question from Fox News.

My bullshit is even getting too much for me to stomach.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag–uh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, folks."

"Pay no attention to the man behind the napkin! The great and powerful Oz has spoken!"

My, that Dachshund was tasty…

Mmmmm…Egyptian cotton….

Man the lifeboats, those last two dogs are coming back home!

Well since I know I'm not winning this election I've resorted back to my days of cocaine.

BOY! EVERYTIME I FEED IT TO THEM. I GET GAS. OH WELL, AT LEAST SOMEONE HAS GAS.

Hmmmmm….I think this is Pelosi's underwear.

Ugh! Everytime I hear that Star Spangled Banner crap I feel nauseous.

Ugh! I can't get the taste of Capitalism out of my mouth!

I hope nobody notices my nose growing every time I talk…

Pardon me. I was choking on some bullshit.

Teleprompter: Put hanrkerchief to your mouth….wipe the buffalo chips from your teeth dumbass, look left, look down, look right, look down…stutter and proceed with the next lie…….

Obama stealthily signals the Muslim Brotherhood operatives in the U.S. that he surrenders to their superiority and gives up hot dogs to halal food.

"I think I've brown-nosed enough special interest groups for one day."

"I knew I should'nt have looked directly at Nancy Pelosi!"

Anyone here having a MIB flashback waiting for Barry to turn into a giant roach alien?

For some reason, each time there is a "moment for silent prayer," Obama wretches.

Here we see Barry actually sickened by the smell of his liberal bullsh*t.

That damn George Bush gave me this cold!!

smells like monica's panties, dam Bill Cliton got to clear therest of his shit out of here.

Obama tests the new, portable, lie detector handkerchief. 14 alarms went off.

Damn! No cocaine on this napkin either!

Every time I lie, I have this urge to sneeze. Mohammed bless me!

Kissing his preferred white flag of American surrender.

"I nearby grant this handkerchief Executive Privilege"

I hearby grant this handkerchief Executive Privilege

Uh… before I talk about religion here in America… I need to kiss my prayer blankey..

And… thats the last time I will try and touch a tea partiers baby… ow…

A republican just proved to me that… ow.. to fight for whats right might be a good alternative to just giving in…

That Romney isn't fooling around… give me a minute..I might need another hanky here… my toof is loose too..

I bowed to the wrong dude… I thought he was Muslim..

Holder and my death squad will arrest that woman who hit me… now where was I?

Sorry I ate a pussy before this meeting… I usually have some doggy..

Sorry… *sniff…sob* I can't read… I need my teleprompters… pictures… these notes.. I can't read..

And today… over 3,000 years ago… the prophet Muhammed died.. the Koran written… sob… sob.. sorry..

The Governor of Arizona and I just met after the SCOTUS decision… uh.. is there a dentist in the audience?

These are my mother's underwear and they remind me of her…

Une of those young ladies gave me these… they don't fit me but man… do they smell… goood..

Uh… I just bit my tongue off..Holderthh isth innocenth..

"…o'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave!" Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.

(BELCH) Uh, pardon me, but the dog was delicious.

Hmmm… I thought my nose was bleeding but I see it's snot….

In order to avoid spreading disease I wipe my lips in between each foreign leaders butt kissing.

"Ow! Boy, when Boehner gets angry, he lets you know it".

"Ow! The founding fathers rolled over in their graves and the earthquake knocked me off of the toilet"

Wow… I started to tell the truth about something and damn near bit a hole in my lip trying to stop.

Hooooooo boy, those South African lobster tails, French truffles and Russian Caviar sure tasted good with my Dom Perignon. What did you chumps have for lunch?

What in the hell is this… a napkin without 18K gold stitching??? I ORDERED 18k GOLD STITCHING, DAMMIT!

Barry, holding is signature muslim pocket flag, kisses it prior to working the teleprompter.

Even I can't help from spitting up with laughter over my plan to suggest that newly weds send their wedding cash to me.

"Dammit Joe! Lay off the flax seed you smell worse than Michelle after a gallon of ice cream!"

I make myself throw up!

None of the above captions fit

This handkerchief bit worked for Louis Armstrong…everyone loved him! What do I have to lose?

This hanky is my Executive Privilege Shield

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP. Excuse me I farted out my mouth again.

…"the way Bush has done it over the last eight years is to take out a credit card from the Bank of China in the name of our children, driving up our national debt….That’s irresponsible. It’s unpatriotic." Barack Obama, hypocrite 2008

"Has anyone seen a tooth? The founding fathers rolled over in their graves and the earthquake knocked me down."

"Ahhhh, smell like… socialism."

"Excuse me while I wipe the BULL$*#^ off my face"

Too much of that 'Kool aid'…

"Maybe if I cover my mouth, America won't see me say 'we really F***ed up this country'"

"Today, June 28th 2012, I, along with the Supreme Court have defeated the United States Constitution in the ultimate usurpation of American power."

Close one. My brain cell nearly fell out that time.

Even I'm having a hard time stomaching all the B.S. I'm spinning…

I even make myself sick!

No matter how many times he rehearses, Obama cannot control the gag reflex when addressing the common folk.

Sickened by the actual state of the union.

There was a big douchebag who swallowed a fly. I dunno why he swallowed that fly, Perhaps he'll…lie

"…Obama care, is gonna be cheaper" !…even I threw up a little over that ONE!