Immediately after this ceremony, sign up for your food stamps.

I'm going casual today, since these robes weren't quite ornate enough to top with my crown.

"Just shut up and listen. Nothing but what I tell you is true."

If your socialist professors have taught you well, you will now go forth and devote your lives to wiping out Freedom.

I'm not really an educated President…I just play one on TV.

A forgettable student with a questionable past attempts to inspire America's future.

All the alphabet soup after my name is fictional, made it up on my own, and own stands for Oprah

Red states, red numbers are all the same to me, I'm legally color blind.

This garb clearly trumps any papal nonsense…

Trust me when I say a line or two before exams will really help you relax.

"I'm begging you people, re-elect me and I'll forgive all your student loans!"

" In conclusion, I bless you all in the name of Allah, Marx, Lenin, and Jeremiah Wright!"

"So remember, when you're down on your luck and the world is against you, blame George Bush for everything!"

…and I will make sure that none of you find jobs in the future!

Vote for me, and I will ensure you that you will have no future!

You don't need an education to be successful. I mean, just look at my administration!

You don't need to be smart to be successful. I mean, look at me!

My hope is that all of you go on to have careers in community organizing, writing books no one will read, skating on rhetoric, reading off a teleprompter, and spending other people's money!

Now that you've been properly indoctrinated by radical commie professors, go forth with fervor and destroy Freedom.

"I'm the white House superman! I'll remove you from your house and take away your job, and give them to an illegal immigrant."

I COMMAND YOU TO GO OUT AND MULTIPLY, BUT IF YOUR WHITE JUST GO HOME AND ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU ARE NOT THE MASTER RACE.

"let me be clear, abortion should be mendatory"

"send your resume to the White House"

"I told you to sit down! How can I give you my name if I can't see the teleprompter."

Behold my cape, for I am indeed Superman.

Go forth, mighty graduates, and reap all the welfare and class envy that I, myself, have given to you!

Call now & I will send you my tapes on how to become President of the free world as well as acquiring honorary degrees, neither of which I did anything to earn.

"…The key to your financial success is to spend at least three times your income…"

What ya mean this doesn't look like Superman's cape?

Just fake it. Heck, look how it worked for me.

You've had it easy. In my day, radical commie profs were scorned…now they're the norm.

My plan is to cancel all of your student loans. This will screw the rich bankers, and I can take your loan payments as taxes to give to the paracites that will get me re-elected.

Now I charge you to get out there and flip burgers, sell fries and pay your taxes. Oh, and vote for Socialist Progressive Democrats!

another degree, just something else that he didnt earn!!

This prop makes me look far more intelligent than I actually am.

"When you go out from here always remember to associate yourself with the most extreme radicals from whom you'll distance yourself, employ yourself by organizing numerous donors for action that never bears fruit, feign sympathy for the working middle class while raking in a fortune in book deals, lie about your birthplace and origins to garner yourself more minority dispensations and multicultural sympathies, and most importantly, be "flexible" in your core beliefs! Do this, and, someday, you too can be president!"

"And now, as you forge your way into the future do as I did-forge your birth certificate, forge your college records, heck just forge everything!"

"And now as you move forward remember it's forward, forward, forward (you're getting sleepy) and only FORWARD!"

"First thing you do is apply for unemployment benefits. After that, Section 8, Food Stamps and free birth control. While you're there, we'll get you registered to vote."

Post greed curriculum will be:
Horse shoeing, sandal making, subsistence farming, brown nosing…

Hell, what I really deserve is a Nobel Prize in economics,

Just try to imagine how bad it would be if I were NOT president!!!

Less experienced than the audience!

How many times do I have to tell you? – I am KING!

"If the dog eats your homework, eat the dog"

"Ooops! You haven't started working yet, and I already spent what you'll earn for the rest of your lives."

As your profs have taught, I'm the best leader this country's had since George III. Coincidentally, I'll be re-instating many of George's "policies" during my second term.

Do these robes make me look Muslim?

Until right now; We had the best university system in the world.

“This is the closest you will ever come to seeing my College transcripts”

it takes real talent to teach Constitutional Law and be so misleading

"And when you graduate you'll get these nifty costumes-and that's all you'll get."

I will now feed the multitude with forty million carp and drum, after that I will walk on a water puddle to Air Force One to the Promised Land of Hawaii.

"… and I'll release my college transcripts just as soon as my staff has finished tinkering with them in PhotoShop!"

"I know many of you will find this hard to believe, but I'm a complete moron when it comes to math and economics!"

I want each of you to have the greatest respect for the seals. All official records of my past have them, by the way.

A**holes promised me a crown. See what happens when you don't pay your taxes?

If you get a job, get a great paying one because I need your taxes. If you can't get a job, don't worry, the other jackasses here will pay your living expenses that I have already mandated.

"It's simple. Cross the border and vote somewhere in Texas. Then continue north, voting and signing up for government assistance as you go."

So, when Joe and I went fishing, I caught one this big————-

All dressed up….Wacker Drive condo, Chicago here I come

I will now feed the multitude with forty million carp, catfish and drum,& I will walk on a water puddle, then fly away on Air Force One to the Promised Land of Hawaii.

Jeremiah Wright wannabe

Believe me this isn't Allah, but he thinks he's god

Now that your profs have converted you to socialism,
I will baptize you with fire.

therefore the only FAIR thing to do is to share your GPA with your less fortunate classmates……

Now you know I'm really Superman

Read my lips..I stole my diplomas.

The robes you wear will be all the clothes you have on your back for a while.

Now please refrain from saying "you lie!"

See you don't have to see my school records… i have the graduation gown to prove my attendance…

even though I was born in Kenya, have no work experience, or a college degree, I was able to become president…you can all become aides if you follow in my footsteps.

We will have open borders, free college, and amnesty for everyone if you convince your parents to donate to the democratic party.

There will be no more striving for success when I am re elected.
You will be able to get everything for free that the government feels you should have. Don't even think about having to find a job.

Big government is your future. Forget about rights. If you are a democrat, you can have everything for free.

THERE ARE TO 57 STATES….they taught that to me in Kenya, and Indonesia.

You don't need to pass your classes. Look at me.

Tell your parents, if they donate $50k to me, I will wipe out your college debt.

Do these robes make me look fat?

For the final time, Michelle was a lab experiment that went wrong.

Dr. Obama, preparing to "fist" America for 4 more years.

Failing? No worries, I'll show you how to hide your grades and STILL get a job screwing America!

"And as you enter the real world I leave you this truth, "A pound of lead DOES weigh more than a pound of feathers."

"Don't worry if you don't get a job. After you graduate, you will be on welfare anyway."

"No, there are no jobs, but after you graduate with your mountain of debt, there is always welfare"

You were born middle class, NO COLLEGE FOR YOU, NEXT.

"As you leave these hallowed halls, remember that in this great country, any one of you can be chosen to serve as Soros' puppet…I mean, elected President."

The Nutty Professor

Now that you have your degree, McDonalds is straight down Main St… Tell them Barry sent you.

And always remember to wipe you ass using your LEFT hand…

julia is the future and you should all look to her as your life model.

I'm an attorney…you can trust me. The Constitution has no Second Amendment!

I'm an attorney.
You can trust me.

Our education system is NOT corrupt.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten,

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten; play time, break time, play time, lunch time, nap time, recess, snack time, play time, rest time,………,

There is no such thing as a free ride,

You; will be held accountable for every thing, there are no free lunches, prove everything you say, stand by your word, do not spoil your children, be proud of your past, be honest, open, and sincere, do not be corrupt, surround yourself with wisdom, integrity, work hard…., (crowd snores)

Who knew they offered a Doctorate in Political Psycho Socialistic Mega Mania?

"…so in the spirit of fairness, I've promoted myself to valedictorian!"

Valedictatoran

"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance baffle them with bullshit"

"If you can't baffle them with brilliance dazzle them with bullshit"

It's just not fair that the Pope gets a better Robe and Hat, I make more than he does.