If I'm right can I keep it?

I love it when you tease me.

That's my right shoulder for – you know…

I THINK Michelle Knows! *&%^#@

I'm trying not to think here not a good time for games.

For ME? A hand full of S**T – clear from China?

A Knuckle Sandwich from Putan?

Joe that's not what I meant by Tea Baggers – put it back, I was just being mean

Michelle found this – I am afraid she may be on to us.

It will be our secret – N Korea will donate heavily for this – It worked for Bill and China.

Just slip it into my pocket – tell EL Chapo it better be good Shit.

JOE – IF IT BITES YOU MY PLAN WILL NOT COVER YOU – LUCKY YOU ARE EXEMPT.

Mr. President BO got loose in the Oval Office.

Mr. President it was laid in China, they have still many more.

Damn it – the American capitalist goose may have one more, what are we doing wrong?

I'm supposed to put my what in there?

Found this dime bag….want to go behind the Lincoln Memorial and snort it?

It's not my noise Joe – I remember this from yesterday.

Thats not my NOSE Joe, we played this yesterday..

Bill was just in Cuba, he has seen the new interns…

Mr. President, your mother-in-law says it's time to do the laundry.

Joe, have you been drinking?

I"VE GOT BLISTERS ON MY SISTERS !

"Soros is on the line for you and he sounds really pi$$ed."

You'd better start reading before you sign – that's a confession, not an executive order.

Biden: "Kiss my hand, Padrino!"
Obama: "It's the other way around, dumbass!"

"For once let's get serious BO, see if you can guess how many of my hair plugs that have fallen out are in my fist"

paper, rock, scissors

I caught a grasshopper, wanna see it?

I gotta go, my Depends are leaking

Joe, for the last time, I'm not fist-bumping you…

Dude!!! I just nailed Pelosi!

Here, Barry. I just squeezed out the last $1.75 in change from these whiteys.

Joe, explain fisting to me again??

Watch this, Barry! Nancy taught me to count on my fingers.

Hey, Barry! Nancy taught me how to count to five!

Pssssst! *Do my knuckles look hairy today?*

Wanna run down to the hotel and grab us some hookers?

Can you guess whose vagina this came from?

I will get us the white vote. Can I get a fist pump?

"the sleeve is covering my watch, what do I do?"

Gah…there's something with 5 sections coming out of my sleeve! What is it?

I closed my hand and now I can't remember how to open it!

So you fisted her and found this set of keys? Let's go find out what they open.

Come to my hotel room in 10 minutes.

We managed to miniaturize illegal aliens so now we can sneak more across before the election.

No, Mr. President: *this* is "Rock".

I don't know what you were doing there, but you're confusing the sh*t out of Mr. Sarkozy.

Those Secret Service men have sneaked some Colombian hookers back into the Oval Office under MY orders.

When do we go to Disney World again, my goldfish died?

When do we go to Disney World again?

"I've got your nose"

Look at my new Rolex! Now who is going to pay for it?

Mr President…did you want sausage or pepperoni?

Mr President…one of your guys won't pay the hooker..

Senor Wences is back with your next set of instructions.

Remeber Senor Wences?

Obama: "Don't use crib notes. Use a teleprompter like I do."

5 minutes has past and we haven't blamed Bush for anything, We gotta get working…

"Barack, we gotta talk — you pick the subject."

"Hilary Rosen just said that Michelle needs to get out more."

The Colombia "advance team" just informed me they have some left overs. Tell me what to say.

"Al Sharpton just said that if he had a son he'd look just like you."

Quick! Again! Where is the bathroom?

Barack, can we move it along? I'm missing the Teletubbies!

Sir, I have analyzed their plan. The Constitution is on their side.

"We’ve analyzed their attack, sir, and there is a danger. Should I have your ship standing by?"

Joe! Have you been eating raw garlic from that Indian Quick-Stop again?

Wanna see what I learned from your Safe Schools Czar?

"Hold the pen like this, you effete fool. Show 'em you're tough."

So, if I draw a face on my hand with lipstick too, they'll be able to talk to each other?

"The Secret Service just blew it for all of us."

Pssst! Barry, Kenya is getting ready to release your REAL birth certificate, we gotta get out of here!

Barry, I met this really fine gal outside, can you loan me $20 and the keys to the limo?

Michelle was one of the women the Secret Service had for hire!

Yes, Joe, and I appreciate that, I really do. But you don't have to interrupt me every time I chair a meeting to tell me how "clean" and "articulate" I am.

Barry, how many times do I have to tell you, quit stealing my watch!

Joe, it would appear that you have cancer, but thats ok I hated you anyway!

Joe wrote the presidents speech on his hand in the likely event the teleprompter went out

Welcome to jackass… White house edition

Listen bro..this is called a fist bump..I thought you would know that.

Seriously though… What are they looking at? Haha

Joe quit making hand puppets, we gotta look like we're working

Magic beans

Time is ticking we need more Mexican voters

First I couldn't find my ass. Now I've gone and lost my thumb.

I was just told the lead Monkee died. I came in to see if they were talking about you.

This hi-tech stuff is amazing! But why is one of Mickey's arms shorter than the other?

So Biden, you're saying there are 57 states in this country of yours? I better update the prompter.

Boss, can I get a Marine 21-gun salute for my goldfish before I flush him?

I had Michelle's Rolex on my left wrist before I shook hands with Romney's wife, I think, or maybe it was Ms. Rosen.

Ever seen one of those puppets you draw on your hands?

I swear, when I'm peeing, I can fit the whole thing in there.

This is what is left of the economy. Please keep it safe

"But Barry, I tripled my charitable contributions to $995 last year. Surely 0.3% of my income is enough!

Hey, Bar do you know how many zeroes are in a trillion? Reporters keep asking and I don't know what to tell them.

"I think 0.3% of my income was enough! It's OTHER people's money we're supposed to be charitable with."

I think you're right!
If we look like we're thinking really hard.
They'll believe that we're actually doing something!

Biden imitating Ralph Kramden: "Next time Barry, POW! straight to the moon!".

Barack listens carefully as Biden's hand puppet gives the morning security briefing.

I'm telling you Barry, it's like George Castanza once said, "It's only a lie if YOU don't believe it."

Joe shows the boss his percentage of income donated to charity, rounded to the nearest zero.

I finally caught the little martian that's been in my ear telling me what to say.

In this hand I have every penny for which our policies have saved the American People.

Hey Barack, can I watch an extra hour of TV tomorrow? There's gonna be a Phineas and Ferb marathon!

Yes, Joe, I've see your secret decoder ring. Now go show it to the CIA.

"We recovered your gerbil, sir."

its spelled… Barack Obama…Thanks Joe

Michelle wants us to come see her dance at the Hotel Caribe tonight

I have the list of every person that believes your economy speeches on a note in my hand.

I got my Polident and Preparation H mixed up again.

Don't worry Boss, the ObamaCare repeal will only be symbolic.

do you think the tax payers could buy me a rolex?

I lost my Ovaltine Secret Decoder ring. Can I have yours?

Don't worry Mr president we are not requiring proof of citizenship to vote so your family and everyone you're letting over border can vote for you!

OK -One more time– 57 or 58 states?

'…I think I left it in the shitter in Tampa….? had all your lies in the margin!

" .. I thought the plan was to fake YOUR death, then "I" get the four years….?"

"…he said it came in the mail from Kenya….. the usual right, send it back, addressee unknown. GOTCHA!