I'm proud to introduce the next idiot in line if anything should happen to me.

I'm told if you throw a ball he's been trained to retrieve it.

$5. $5 for the Vice President of the United States. Do I hear $5? Anyone? Bueller?

And over here: Obama 2.0. Shipping in 2016. Twice as stupid, twice as dumb, and twice as likely to run America into the ground. Teleprompter not included.

Take Joe for example..he didn't have a chance in hell for a good job, then I came along…

"Thank goodness I'm here, because this is the alternative."

And after my reelection, my fellow Americans, this is my nomination for foot-in-mouth czar

This, my fellow Americans, is the result of partying in the 1960s.

After I become king, this man will be the court jester.

"Why is Joe here? Who invited him?"

"Dang it Joe, for just once, put your hands behind your back."

Our new Joe Biden clone, notice how the lips are super glued.

…and here, my friends, is an example of an idiot.

Can you believe I was dumb enough to pick this guy as running mate again?

"And this is Joe, the other white Obama."

"and here we have proof that you don't have to be intelligent to be rich and famous."

I nominate Joe for President in 2016 because I don't want to go down in history as "The Worst President Ever."

"Notice how he won't talk until I give him the secret command."

Yeah, I had one look at him and that's why I decided the pill should be free.

This is why you shouldn't even think about impeaching me.

Just think…he's one heartbeat away from this podium.

See Joe, if you are tossed a few stars your way sooner or later they start coming out your ears. Kinda like all my promises…Falling stars.

The line from The Hangover "You are literally too dumb to insult" was actually about Joe Biden.

I am the ventriloquist … and this is my dummy!

Understand this, somewhere in Delaware, a village is missing its prized idiot.

And, since Joe did such a bang-up job of tracking where every single penny of the Stimulus was spent, I've decided to put him in charge of the GSA.

I ask you, can you imagine this man with his finger on the button??

My friend here is still under orders not to open his mouth.

No, I did not put a gag order out on him!

Joe here used the big boy potty today. Let's all give him a round of applause.

You see, this dipshit forgot to put my teleprompter up.

And here is the man that everyone wants to Bitch Slap… I give you Joe Biden.

"and if I had a son, he would look just like…Joe, what the hell are you doing here?"

Who nominated this man as the second in charge to me?

"Joe the gaffe-master, couldn't find his butt with both hands in a gentle breeze!"

One more thing, don't call him "Walter" it still ticks him off about about those ventriloquist jokes.

Someone said "attention!" yesterday at a meeting, and he's been like this ever since.

Someone yelled "Attention!, attention!" at a meeting yesterday, and Joe's been like this ever since

"who'll give this poor man a "real" job come January 2013?"

"As you can plainly see, I super-glued his mouth shut until after the November election"

I've put stars around Joe today because he did exactly as he was told, all day.

you don't want this

Politically, the only thing left of me is Stupidity.

To my left is the best life insurance EVER.

I picked this idiot to be my Vice President so I'd look smart compared to him.

"He's clean, articulate, and can talk white if he wants to."

"And if, Allah forbid, anything would ever happen to me …… "

"All across America stand-up comedians are unemployed, and this is what I get?"

To disprove that I hate white Americans, Joe here will accompany us Obamas on 2 of our 3 vacations next month.

Joe, I swear I'm going to back-hand you if you don't shut up.

I keep telling Joe, I'm the idiot on top, then it's you.

With Joe as Vice President who needs the Secret Service to protect me?

Shoot me, get him.

we have a Vlad Romance

As some of you may have already suspected – Joe and I have having a Vlad Romance!

Here's a threat, I'll stay at work, and Joe can go on vacations!

This is why they call us liberals "the left" it's what's "left over" like Joe

…and this idiot doesn't even know he's left of me..

I'd like to present the first entry into the Obama White House Wax Mausoleum…errrrr…I mean, Museum.

As you can see, my life insurance policy has worked quite well for the past 3 years.

"…from each according to his ability, er,uh, Joe is probably not the best example here."

My free health care plan works! Look at Joe! He needed brain surgery a few years ago, you paid for that!

Lets hear it for Joe! He won't be saying anything stupid anymore.. we tested the health care system in Canada… it works!

This is Joe2… made of wax and will drink a beer with you when you send more of your money to help me get over a billion in my savings for my continued campaigning..

Who's going to run this country if I disappear? Joe? Joe still eats his crayons…I need Russia's help…

Who's idea was it to put our deficit into outerspace? This idiot to my left! Joe did it.. He still thinks his name is 'Bo'…

I have a token white man and an old one at that… why would I want to throw granma over the cliff.. Joe loves me!

Joe is demonstrating how we all will behave when we see the American flag… military especially!

Who needsa slave? Lets start the bid at $10.. 10..10 got ten.. 20 20..twenty to the panthers… 25..

Who needs a slave? Lets start the bid at $10.. 10..10 got ten.. 20 20..twenty to the panthers… 25..

You vote for me and I will get rid of the dead weight around me… and here's Joe… say Hi Joe.

And you wouldn't know it… but this man to my left played the role of Mongo in the Mel Brook's movie Blazing Saddles..

Just look at Joe! He used to fall down a lot! Now! After a free clinic stay… an example of my health care in action.. he doesn't move… what more would you want?

And Joe here will kick any white boys vice presidential contestant they want to bring…

He is like the Lone Ringer and I Tondo… Joe is my brains here…

Look Joe just visited a free clinic… no drain bamage here…

It walks… it talks.. it even drinks beer and fetches the newspaper..

And this will be your Vice President! GI JOE!
Gastro-Intestinal Joe… make some noise for Joe!

Look he won't bite.. he likes gummy bears…

Joe knows first hand!… We have to watch all you do on the Internet.. years of peeping through windows… making sure little kids are safe in their bathrooms..

If you vote for me… Joe promises to not say anything again..

Say somethin' bitch! See? Joe is the only non-racist
white-ass honkey in America.. why do we have this issue with prejudice..

It wasn't me! It was him…

Vote for me and I will use Joe here as my fall guy for all I don't do..

He started it! I just went along…

He thought of it… use that extra hundreds of millions of stimulus dollars unaccounted for… there's my funding..

Under the Canadian health care system for years… Joe is the most intelligent man I know.

I haven't figured it out yet.. but he does do something…

"Someone call security! This can't be Joe……he has his mouth shut!!"

"Look folks … I won the Booby Prize! It's a Joe Biden blow-up doll!"

"And for the finale to the evening…… I am unveiling the Joe Biden Blow-up Doll! There's one under everyone's seat. Enjoy!!"

Come on, we don't have all day…somebody give me an opening bid.

Remember, If anything happens to me you get this Dumb Ass

Now I want you to hear me when I tell you this, Joe and I just played Rock, Paper, Scissors and I won. So, I get to spew my lies first.

I've always heard "mind over body" but with a body like that, we gave up on his mind long ago!

Ladies! You are bidding on this goofy, old fart that can't speak a lick of commonsense. Let's kick off my re-election auction. Who'll give $100?

Mr. Dunham, please make Walter say “Dumbass!”

I'm so popular that even with Joe on the ticket I still won the Presidency.

If we only had a brain!

It's the new Bevus and Butt Head Show. Say something Butt Head.

Now Joe Bob here makes me look like a rocket scientist.

Look at this. He can stand here without saying anything stupid.

I created a job for this puppet.

Need I make a stronger case for subsidized birth control?

He's no Stalin (I hate soft sell)

Actually, I do prefer Beavis.

Actually I do prefer Beavis

And if Trevyon were white, then he could be Joe's son, except he wouldn't be stupid like Joe.