No, I can't.

Hey, give us a courtesy flush would ya?

Oooooooo….why did I eat Taco Bell before coming here?

Give me a holler when the teleprompters show up.

Get your sorry arse back in there and answer the questions.

Tell me when Michelle's gone.

This is how you end up after you throw everyone under the bus….ALONE.

"I can't believe I got 20 years. I thought I was the best president evah!"

I spent many a time in this back stairwell getting my arse kicked because I didn't like America.

Someone create a crisis so I can get out of here, and fire the guy who let those people with unvetted questions in.

ahhhh sweet success, just a few more steps to the gutter.

The rat hiding in the basement.

I'm not coming out until my teleprompter starts up again!

Hey, are you sure that the ACORN voter registration cards are still down here?

Nothing like a good smoke after a big meal. Ahhhhhhhhh.

This is a good place to hide from those angry Americans.

The dunce cap is on its way.

I HOPE MICHELLE CAN'T FIND ME DOWN HERE!

"Ahhh, this takes me back to the days when I was the kid the NERDS used to beat up."

Breakfast club! Reservation for one.

“Help me Obi Wan Alinsky…you’re my only hope”

I AM THE BEST PRESIDENT
I AM THE BEST PRESIDENT
I AM THE BEST PRESIDENT

Waiting to be booked in DC jail, 2013

Vacation photo, Kenyan penthouse apartment, 2013

Snuck into the stairwell only to forget his cigarettes…

Michelle, it looks like we have a rat problem down here… no wait, it's just an Occupy protest, nevermind.

Michelle, it looks like the basement's flooded. I'll have to find a way to blame this on Bush.

Michelle, did you move the nuclear football somewhere else? I was going to go play with it.

Psst buddy, how much for an extra 25 million fake votes?

Ok, I can memorize this before I go on, I pledge allegiance to the flag….

If I go down one more flight I'll be in the basement just like the economy.

Playing hide and seek with the Secret Service.

that pain in the ass Michelle will never find me here

Darn Jews—I could really use a pep talk from Reverend Wright right now

Michelle – I'm sorry. Can I come up now from time-out?

Now where did I drop that crack pipe?

"Let's see. I left the oval office, made a right turn and…how the heck did I wind up here?"

"I said double cheese, and I'm not leaving here until I get double cheese!"

I was told this stairwell faces east, they better be right!

"My re-election team said I have to hide here until the November 7. Well, they know best."

Singing: "Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely. I have nobody to call my own. That's why I'm lonely, I'm Mr….."

HONEY!? SWEETIE!? Please let me in! I didn't know that girl was going to ask you that tough question!

Home sweet Home… Will this be available by the end of 2012?

At least if I let one off here I won't have to share the credit with anyone.

Whew…that one stinks about as bad as the job I've been doing.

Michelle! Can I get up now?

Step out to do a bone and the damn door locks !

God I hope some idiot with a camera doesn't find me down here otherwise it'll look bad….

"it's all down the toilet from here on, got your paperwork ?"

Where's Soros when I need him?

This reminds me of Occidental, when we'd sneak off to the basement stairwell and smoke grass… Oh, wait, that was last week…

(Grunts)…MMMMMMMMIIIITTTT RRRRRRRRRRRROOOOMMMMNEEEEEYY….(ahhh)

Hey, you in the stairwell! Stop farting….it's causing interruptions in the caucus.

Waah! Michelle kicked me out of the residence again. I guess I'll have to scheme some way of screwing with America some more tomorrow morning.

This is just like the squatting toilets back in Indonesia. Ahh sweet relief! I shouldn't have eaten those beans for dinner.

The pussy-whipped prez hides out from Dominatrix Michelle.

I don't wanna do a press conference…whaaaaa whaaaa

I should have taken that janitors job years ago. How can I clean up this place with this little piece of paper!

If I hide here maybe Karzai won't find me.

I promised Iran I would back them why are they firing on me…..
and why am I the only one in this bomb shelter Joe told me it was the safest one….

Someone just found out that he can't opt out of Obamacare.

And just prior to the debate with the Republican candidate…

Nobody knows…………the trouble I've created.

I must be the most pussy-whipped man in America!

"Please don't make me go out there without a teleprompter, please please please."

When he gets home a night his fat psychopathic wife thrashes him within inches of his life….

WOW looks just like the stair well I hid in during high school…..

I have become…comfortably dumb.

All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

Can someone get the constitution down here before I unload?

I'm finally somewhere where they won't see this paper that shows that I was born in Kenya.

Obama the Magnificent fails to divine the contents of the envelope.

Gosh, maybe hiding here they won't find me and I won't have to tell them I truly don't know what I'm doing..

I forgot which way I am supposed to face when I pray..

My Fellow Americans, I've come here today to…. DAMN! Why did they forget to bring the Teleprompters???

Ala help me

ahh home sweet apartment

hmm may be i can hide like my brother osama bin laden down here until the reporters leave

Pondering the consequences of his choice, the Bracketologist-in-Chief heads to the fallout shelter after Lehigh upsets Duke.

Damn, they never would have found me if I didn't wear this white shirt.

I'll just wait here until Fox news leaves.

I`m in back of the Limo , what do you mean we have to wait for a Republican President before we can afford the gas for it .

What can I tax….. What can I tax……What……

Why would Osama bin Laden want to kill me, Barack Hussein Obama? I can do more damage to America alive.

Lets see, That is 122 steps, at $1 tax per step, per person…..

"Now, where's my needle"

I hope they remembered to come get me as soon as the I.N.S. was gone.

I hope they told the pizza guy to come to the west stairwell. If Michelle sees him at the front door, she might ground me again.

Oh no. That 2nd grade informant was right. Their teacher is teaching them about the constitution again.

Forgot his dunce cap.

If we can tax corners there's trillions of more dollars we can spend.

*inhales*

ahh, the sweet smell of suckcess

No toilet paper? No problem! I have a pocket copy of the constitution right here!

The TEA party can't find me here.

"Me and my friends could do some good doo-wop with the echo here. That is IF I had friends."

57 steps. i'll never make it.

"What have I got myself into?"

Whew, carrying those stuffed ballot boxes upstairs for Romney sure was hard work. At least I got a free pizza coupon for it.

Maybe if I tell Mr. Soros George Bush BROKE my teleprompter, I can go play golf!

If only Bill knew about this place…

Whodda thought those damn Americans would take their Constitution so seriously. Geesh, they didn't have to lock me in the dungeon.

(Question mark after first sentence above…sorry.)

I know that room has the Constitution on display, but I just can't bear to see it.

Ahhh… this is Tel Aviv… NOT Tehran…I can't be seen and use this apology here… I told them Tehran…

Reminds me of the boys room… hey… you gotta smoke?

I'll send out Joe… too many white people here tonight…

Okay I need a good excuse… sick.. flu…note from Soros…

Oh Hell… here I am again… broken teleprompters and have to think on my own…

Thats the Tea Party out there…

There! America! You want transparency!!!? You got it!

Iran just attacked Israel… I have to make a decision…I've never done this… think… think…

WAIT! That might be MY fault…. how can that be… think Barry… blame… who to blame…

Hillary is doing it again… I am going to have her made permanently transparent…

Romney doesn't know I'm here… I was a secret spy before I was president..

As the Occupy the White House movement comes to an end…..

At least I can assassinate whoever booked me on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?"

Where is he? I needed my crack 3 hours ago!

"oh I wish this was a golfers convention instead of a Truckers Union speech"

"I HATE hearing that Pledge of Allegiance in schools!"

School choirs no longer sing the praise of BO