HOLD ON! We need to wait for the teleprompters to begin working again.
who thinks I suck? Wave both hands if I doubly suck!!
Back off Bishops, we have seperation of state and Church, and I am in charge
My re-election slogan will be "America, you haven't seen nothing yet"
we still have a long way to go, I havent apologized to Namibia, Nauru, Navassa Island, Nepal, Netherlands…
stop the conferance or I'll be late for my vacation
Look carefully. Nothing in my hands. Nothing up my sleeves. Nothing between my ears.
I will heal America with my own hands if you give me another term.
Hey.. I have nothing to do with what has gone wrong since I got here!
Testing his new back of the hand teleprompters.
Stop in the name of Allah
I'm always thinking of ways to push the American people away.
Hold on a sec, I never said anything about helping this country.
He's got the whole world in his hands…
Everyone, let us bow down and give thanks to Allah today.
You will use both hands when you shout Sieg Heil, like so.
OK everyone…put your hands up like this and surrender to me.
Alright! Let's STOP right here and now! You people don't need to see my birth certificate or school records.
I want all Americans to lean forward and put their hands up against the wall. Once we have you in the right position with your pants down, you'll find out what re-electing me will feel like.
I wrecked this country with my own hands!
I push back against anything that will create jobs or lower energy prices.
5 dolla….5 dolla foot long
Now that you're on your hands and knees, you just lean forward and bow…
Do like me. Waive your hands in the air like you just don't care!
Calm down, calm down… I know many of you have never been this close to God…
Hold on now… Bush has a lot to do with this…
Please, hold all laughter, snorts and catcalls until after I finish…
See, nothing in my hands, nothing up my sleeve. Presto! Change-o! Socialism!
"I know, I know. I'm cool and you're not".
Lets have a show of hands, Who thinks i'm in over my head
Now wait a minute. My teleprompter will arrive shortly.
10 rounds of golf this week already!
Hold on my subjects… I have a few more lies to go!
Assume the position America!
At least I didn't kill Dumbledore!
Has ANYONE here seen Joe's Michelle-sized whoopee cushion?
It is about time that I apologize to America, so I'm sorry I haven't taxed everyone yet.
Hey, not on my watch will I allow America to prosper or jobs to increase!
I can't create any more jobs than this, or I'd have to take off my shoes to count them
Hold on a minute, I never said I was gonna uphold the Constitution
"President Ahmadinejad, I surrender."
"I have instructed our troops in Afghanistan to approach Taliban personnel in this manner."
"I am pushing gas prices up, up, up…"
"My high fuel cost program will raise the cost of all goods and is of course good for America."
Whoa, whoa, hold on…you didn't think I actually meant what I said about not deserving a second term if I didn't fix the economy, right?
Now hold on. I only apologize to Muslims.
"I will continue to push for higher taxes, higher unemployment, higher cost of living and higher fuel prices."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am one sorry President. I apologize."
You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about!
Now, Just stop right there! I never said I wouldn't lie!!
"I can't stand it any longer. I GIVE UP!!"
… and then I said, "Don't touch my junk."
You put your hands like this, then bow down to me.
My dear Imams! Please hold the applause because in 5 minutes, I'm going to announce how I will cut the U.S. military budgets by twenty percent, and that's only for this coming year! Wait until I am reelected!
Guess which hand is holding your tax refund?
Americans, you have all been givin prayer mates. Now put your hands like this, face East, put hands on mate and begin.
This is the position you assume when my people come to "redistribute" your wealth.
The girls like my new mime impression…. Actually it's not new, I see and hear everything, pretend I don't, and do prefer to do something else…
Is this what I'm supposed to do when I get deported??
see what happens when you golf too much…blisters
When you worship Me and Muhammad, raise your hands like this.
This is how I kiss George Soro's ass!
The only thing that sucks more than this engine behind me is my economic policy.
"Don't shoot, Sheriff Arpaio!"
"CHILL" The Honky's will pay
What's not to understand about my new nine point tax plan?
"Now, now! Stay in your seats!! There isn't any fire and that's not a fire alarm… We're the ones blowing smoke, the flashing lights are just the mirrors, and that nasty-sounding siren you're hearing is just Michelle singing in the shower…."
Obama tries to break through the force field blocks out commies.
Even though there are no nails in my hand, I insist that I am the Messiah.
If you keep thanking me, my head is going to get huge. Shut up.
Do you see any blood on these? I don't think so.
"Hold all your softball questions until I and all my 400 wait, uh, staff get back from our next vacation"
"Look it, I only need ten more terms to fix the country."
"Wait let me explain. The $750,000 Gitmo soccer field for terrorists is just like the Midnight Basketball program implemented by President Clinton…"
"OK. Everyone help me push jobs and America off a cliff."
Check my palms…I AM the Messiash.
There's nothing in my hands… now I'm going to make money appear.
Presto… I just made the constitution disappear.
Abra Kadabra! Your future savings is gone.
Nothing in my hands. I'm going to make my birth certificate appear.
I'm going to need 10 of these planes for Michelle to take her next vacation.
Nothing in my hands, nothing in my brain!
"Let be clear. I will not return Bill Maher's $1,000,000!"
"Let me be clear. I will not return Bill Maher's $1,000,000!"
"Do I have a birth certificate? Ha! I have ten of them!".
And then I said to Dolly, By golly they are real!
Please hold your applause or my teleprompter will get ahead of me.
My teleprompter is telling me to hold up my hands for some reason.
Wait.. my teleprompter just cut out.
"Look at this neat trick I learned from Marcel Marceau."
"Hold it! I am acting presidential. With emphasis on 'acting'."
"See, no real good ideas are up my sleeves."
"I ain't listenin' to yo' problems! Talk to the hand!"
Hands down I'm the best President ever!
sign language for "Ni**a please!!! Let me Finish!"
Barry shows up, empty handed again!
Empty hands and empty brain!
Someone said I was going to be burned in effigy. I'm staying away from there. That's Effigy, Illinois, right?
"Honest to Allah, BUSH DID IT!"
Why can't I part the Red Sea with just raising my hands? Oh really! I AM NOT GOD.
When I place my hands like this I can magically raise taxes.
Now hold on here….that was a "fluke" – I had nothing to do with that.
TEN Million jobs eliminated, and Ten more Czars created for a committee on how to eliminate more jobs.
Due to health issues, site updates will happen...when I can. Thanks for your patience.