It's not in Arabic.

What? I told Mahmoud I would vacate Iraq but he should lay low on this nucular thing til Hilary could get the UN calmed down!

And Humpty Dumpty ………………

See Joe, it isn't hard. You just have to figure out which one means "add" and which one means "subtract."

Time to go over the "enemies list" again…

See Dick run. Run Dick Run.

Chapter 2, The Downfall of the American Dream.

Huked on foniks

How much is 20 zeros again?

The zeros don't go to the bottom of the page.. we need to fix this.

It's a real good thing the photographer can't read arabic.

"nine-letter word for highest political office in America?, lets see…?"

"Previous Job Experience"…Humm what should I make up?

Dear Santa, these are things I didn't get for Christmas that I would still like.

Top 10 Reasons I will not return your drone.
- Mahmoud

"We regret to inform you that your services will no longer be needed, effective Jan 2013 – The American People"

I guess I should thank Holder that I don't have a longer list of names to pardon. It really helps when they weren't prosecuted to begin with.

"What is this 'We the People" nonsense?!"

No, Joe, you're not supposed to color outside the lines.

Dear George..oooops…I mean:
Dear SANTA,
Thank you for all the wonderful gifts but I really wanted a new Senate!
Your Pal,
Barry

I'm worthless as president, but I DID stay at a Holiday Inn Express.

3 out of the 4 lightbulbs are turned on.

Your resume should honestly reflect your experiences.

Consider using words such as legislated insread of hoodwinked, or acquired instead of stole.

Boy this Alinsky stuff really does work.

A list of what George Soros wants me to do.

This teleprompter has less glare, however this teleprompter is easier to adjust. So hard to choose.

The White House's Time Out for Dunces room.

Like I'm really reading this sh*t.

True or False: To be President of the United States you must be a U.S. citizen.

I love taking surveys about ME…!

Personal references….damn!

The letters on this page are too tiny! Hey Joe, go get my teleprompter!

"I already have Hannity and O'Reilly on this enemies list, who do I add now?"

The attackwatch.com list of donors is getting smaller.

I just don't understand the instructions on this Hawaii birth certificate form…

These tax forms are just not complicated enough

Fax just in from Mr. Soros…

" 'I pledge allegiance to the United States'…..nope, that has to change. 'I pledge allegiance to ME and to the Dictatorship for which I stand' That's much better."

There's got to be a way to get rid of Congress

"I resign the Office of the Presidency effect 25 January 2012….."

This speech needs more "Me and I's".

… Eleven, Twelve, Huh? Damn … How'd we get to thirteen zeros?

They want THREE job references? Damn, I've only had two that I can mention.

I'll never remember all of this! That damn teleprompter better be working.

What do you suppose they mean by "Work Experience"?

Really? I have a long lost Aunt that has $3 million dollars being held in an overseas account and all I must do is send you my bank account number?

Looks like I will have millions of false signatures in the vote again in 2013 too..

These fools want to have voter identification… what a joke, I give the judicial people a heads-up.

its five days later… and I still don't understand this Bill of Rights… let me skip to the national anthem and try that again…

So this is the Constitution… this sounds foreign to me… just like the Bill of Rights… and they base their ethics, morals and laws on this?

I am going to have to fly to Iran immediately and kiss Mahmoud's ass… he just called me buckwheat… now that I cannot tolerate…

Wow… look at this email… something about shiftless, lazy and mouthy… oh! look at this..uneducated… lack of discipline… cheat… falsify…

Obama now hostage in Iran… reviewing what he is forced to say at gunpoint on camera… 'Well Mahmoud what you want me to read here is what I have been trying to say to those infidels for three years now…'

Those assholes are refusing to replace Teddy Roosevelt's with mine at Rushmore as the fourth greatest president ever… they say… 'blow me…'

'You threaten another war with the Sioux and Cheyene Nations if you try to add your semblance to Rushmore… uh… Custer… uh…slaughter… so we will gladly will offer you a treaty…an honorary seat in our councils as Little Dumb Donkey…'

‘You threaten another war with the Sioux and Cheyenne Nations if you try to add your semblance to Rushmore… uh… Custer… uh…slaughter… so we will gladly offer you a treaty…an honorary seat in our councils as 'Dancing With Jackasses'…hmmm…maybe…

so·cial·ism   [soh-shuh-liz-uhm]
noun
1.
a theory or system of social organization  that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole.
2.
the stage following capitalism in the transition of a society to communism, characterized by the imperfect implementation of collectivist principles.

I'll be damned! Their right,,,,,,,,, guess I am

They're right…there are no 'uhhhhs' in the original.

Where's the severance clause? No severance, no leaving…

Ohhhh no, I'm supposed to be doing ALL of this? I miss the Community Organizing stuff.

وقال الله يذهب اليها وذبح الكفار

وقال الله يذهب اليها وذبح الكفار "And Allah said go forth and slay the infidels"

Just chillin' at the Holiday Inn, Reggie's comin' by with fo' o' his friends.

If I surround myself with 70s decor, perhaps I can better channel my inner Carter.

Hurry up and take the damn picture…

WOW! That is a pretty realistic looking dummy!!!

Barry studies for his pap test with all of his friends.

Top Secret Report: Michelle grabbed the Secret Service agent. He grabbed her and then they . . .

"Not another briefing on Michelle and the Secret Service agent."

So much income…So little time to tax it.

These job applications are complicated.Lucky I have 4 more years before I have to complete one.

Damn this job application, what do I put in the "NAME" box??

The nerve of them asking for my social security number.

How much longer can I stall before I have to go to bed with Michelle?

Dear Barry, If you don't have anything lined up yet, I am looking for a new chauffeur. Best wishes, Rahm

Emergency Plans: 1. In case of a lynch mob: Show them your real birth certificate. That will prove you're an illegal alien and not the President. DO NOT use the teleprompter.

Number of states: 50.
Language spoken in Austria: German.
Leader of Canada: Prime Minister.
Phonetics of corpsman: Kor-man
…

They want me to WHAT? Read this? Isn't this on cd or something??

Only thing I'm good at… My children's homework…

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Socialist State, establised under Obama, do hereby…

Pouring over the list of people that still identify as Democrat.

"This list of $3 donors that want to have dinner with me only adds up to $39!"

"OK…now that I signed the bill into law stating that I can detain Americans for no reason, let's start with the first ones on my list: The Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, conservative internet groups, the Tea Party…"

Finally, a copy of the Constitution to wipe my ass with!

Application ask hard question…
Name? Barrack, Barry… should I put Hussein…

" I can't believe that I made this many phone sex calls"

Filling out these unemployment forms sucks.

My approval rating has dropped again. I don't think we can live on a community organizer, especially with all the food Michelle eats.

Okay…Million, Billion, Trillion, Sh*t…What comes after that!!??

The President decides which states to split up, so he can say, "See, I told you there were 57 states!"

Take their money, take their homes,
Redistribute some used drones.

Give 'em healthcare, drain 'em dry
When they're 70, let 'em die.

When they protest throw 'em a bone
Then tell them what color to paint their home.

In the end I'll be the king
Damn I like this president thing.

Ya know? I could read this shit much faster on a teleprompter!

I gotta get this room service order sent so it can be delivered before the food police, I mean Michelle, walks in and makes me eat collard greens or some such crap

WoW! If I claim Earned Income Credit – I'll make a bundle!

I'm president of the United States why is no one reading this for me?

Two Brazilian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan. Damn! How much exactly is a Brazilian?

Okay, time to update the resume. Wow, two years Senator and they elected me President. That is one gullible 53%.

What, no golf this Wednesday? I'm firing my golf czar.

"..No,No, No…these words are WAY too big for Joe ! we gotta revise this ,AGAIN!