"I'd like to take classes in U.S. History, Economics, and Logic for starters."

And then…on the 9th hole, I lost my balls..uh uh.. ball.

"Kid, if you'll move your chair a little to your right so I can see that teleprompter, I'll answer your question."

"Kid, if you'll move a little to the left so I can see that teleprompter, I'll answer your question."

Kids, my philosophy:
Right is Fright
Left is Best

And finally kids, get a good education. It won't help you get a job, but it will help my buddies at the SEIU and the NEA.

After visiting here today, I have 57 states to go.

Will you let Joe transfer to this high school? The other one is not letting him graduate.

"Daaaa Buuuu aaaaa and aaaa I a MMMMMM aaaa sure that aaaaa aand aammmm"

I specifically requested a Black, Chinese, and two Arabs…what are all you White kids doing here?

Tell me more about this "capitalism" that i hear so much about

So you are saying that you will not give me an honorary diploma without seeing my birth certificate?

You kids look like bright young men and women. You have no place in my vision of the America of the future.

Remember when I said "Pass this bill"? What I meant was to pass it on to you.

And I wouldn't get too close to Grampa, either, 'cause he ain't gonna be around very long after my "death panels" take over Senior health care.

I got everything I hoped for, how are you kids doing?

And my new Education Bill will allow you to file for Unemployment benefits at your Commencement ceremony.

Forget everything they taught you in American History, 'cause it ain't gonna be that way anymore.

Stay away from that Business Ethics class… I didn't learn a thing!

We really need kids like you to step up and work to pay the way for those covered by my social programs.

The uniforms are a start. Real Muslim women do not show their legs or faces.

I never knew what it's like to grow up to be an American. I grew up to be unAmerican.

Let's end the confusion. There is no such thing as the American Dream.

Forget what you've learned in school. The Constitution means nothing because it is not compatible with my vision of America.

Checks and balances? No no no! It's the rich who write the checks and I balance out the proceeds to those who support me.

Indonesian girls become grandparents by the time they reach your age.

Girls, you register all of the hookers to vote. Guys, here's some seed cash to buy them crack.

Your parents are soft and lazy. You need to convince them to pay their fair share.

My redistribution plan requires that you work hard in school and I give your degrees to someone else.

I really want you to think about attending Penn State

I'm pleased to meet with and brainwash all of you in person

I'll explain how you can vote for me even if you're not eligible.

"Remember, kids, your education costs you nothing and that's just what you'll learn."

"When education is totally free, you'll only need sell your soul to me."

The future leaders of CanAmerIco

The future leaders of Can-Amer-Ico

"So let me get this straight, there's no soup here?"

Detention just got reaaalll bad!

"The uniforms are good, next we'll get you arm bands."

T-bubble on 1st kid at left: Man I knew I should've ditched school today.

You see the way your dopey teacher is looking at me? Like I am the messiah or something? That's what you idiots will be doing after you go to college and complete your indoctrination. Good luck comrades.

Hell kids, you might just as well join the Peace Corpse.

Hey, kids, ya all wanna hold hands and sing "Kum ba yah"?

Intelligent, sharp, and conservative
is no way to go through life, kids.

Just think, next year when your in college you will start your indoctrination and realize how great I am.

It so good to be around my people.

Hey kids, did you have your free glass of Kool Aid?

Ok kids now remember, a+b= taxes. Washington chopped down the cherry tree to get more taxes. The Rosetta Stone helps people raise more taxes. The Egyptians built the pyramids to justify more taxes.

One giant T-bubble going down to everyone: Why the hell am I here?

"Australia's much too conservative, see, so I'm here to organize Occupy Sydney."

Yeah, you guys probaly are smarter than my Cabinet.

I appreciate the invitation to your Glee Club. Where's Finn. He's so hunky.

Hey Axlerod, these are NOT the props I requested.

…and you you study hard, you too can screw up a country some day.

You don't have to be a good student or successful or honest to be President. Just look at me.

Allyou white folks can bend down and kiss my half black ass!

"Like your teacher here, you need to get a good union job."

Couldn't they find any black kids, I'm going to mess this school up.

Always remember kids.
1. Blame the guy before you
2. Join a union
3. Praise Allah

"Teacher, American students are far behind students in other countries. Way down near the bottom, in fact. Keep up the good work".

You could be a breeder in my new economy!

How are these two boys supposed to pay attention to the president with all this LEG??!!

I'm not going to give you a stimulus package until you let me pass the ninth grade.

I'm glad you're all here. Now, can someone tell me why we don't pronounce the "P" in Campbell?