In a few seconds, I'm going to tell you another lie.

Excuse me, plug that teleprompter back in!

We'll start as soon as my "press conference" czar gets here.

Are all your cameras on? I want to make sure you all get my bull$hit.

You can’t accuse me of lying because I haven’t said anything yet.

"Well, uh, er… I'm the President and you're not!"

"This is… uh…er…my first attempt at..uh..speaking with no…I mean without…mmmm..a teleprompter."

Now that we are all here, let me tell you how I single handedly killed Qadaffi

Excuse me, but that question was not approved.

And don't forget any unapproved question, and you will be tased, bro.

…and that is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped. Next I'll explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

LMAObama: LMAO!

Wow, you're actually taking me seriously?

…and that is why I will lose the election in a landslide.

Yes, thanks for the tough questions. I like strawberry jam on my toast.

This meeting of Barry Obama fan club will now come to order.

For my next act, I will swallow a frog.

Yes. Yes! We are now hiring interns.

Al Gore may have invented the internet, but I invented socialism. So there!

Yes, I am whiter than Herman Cain.

The President is speaking to the press corps with cameras to his left.

"Hey there. Hello? HELLO.Uh hmm Listen up folks, I am not just a pretty face up here."

Table for two, sure no problem.

Subpoena! What subpoena?

Do I look like Nixon? I don't know what I know or when.

Solyndra? Isn't she one of the women Herman harassed?

"If those people don't stop recording everything I say, how am I supposed to get away with lying?"

Would you believe I'm just a puppet paid for and bought by Soros?

Let me assure you, I am doing everything in my power to make sure there are no blue states next year.

Okay, let's get started. The Republican candidates are too good, and I will not seek re-election.

Really? Do the strings that Mr. Soros is pulling really show?

See the eagle placed on the top of my head? Now doesn't that make me American?

I'm having trouble keeping the lies straight

Hey! Where's the teleprompter?

I tell you, I dodn't do that.

What ever he said, he's lying.

"Today we created yet another job, Michelle has hired another staffer."

"Let me be clear, I killed Gaddafi."

Excuse me, does it look like I know what I'm doing?

"When will the buck stop here? When I become president of Ronald Reagan's fan club, that's when."

(or) “When will the buck stop here? When I become president of George Bush’s fan club, that’s when.”

"Good question! I figure I'll own the economy about the time the next Republican president it cleaned up, that's when."

“Good question! I figure I’ll own the economy about the time the next Republican president gets it cleaned up, that’s when.”

WOW!! this room is way to white!!!

The problem with socialism is that you will eventually run out of other peoples' money.

That's right. We will not pray for veterans unless they're Islamic.

I called you here to tell you that every Occupy Wall Street protester is now my protest czar.

Bill, take $3 out of your pocket, and give it to Joan. Joan, take $7 out of your purse and give it to Alex. Alex, take $5.25 out of your pocket…

Yes, that's right. Those of you from Fox will be replaced by my muslim brothers.

"one way I'll be reducing government spending is by having China print our currency."

Sorry, I don't have the answer to that on the teleprompter.Next question, please!

Let me be clear, if anything good happens today it's totally my fault…

I assure that I can take away the future of this country with just one term.

If you still think I'm doing a good job, you are an idiot.

I am glad you have chosen to swallow the tripe I am feeding you.

"Until my teleprompter is delivered, anyone know any jokes?"

"I have never even heard of Solyndra."

And on my left are all my puppets without strings.

"Since I'm in campaign mode and despite my plans to decimate defense spending, you military guys are my best friends. Really. I mean that."

(add to 2:30 after guys) out there

It still surprises me that you all will show up to listen to me say the same 'ole crap….day after day…

The press corps eagerly awaiting something brilliant for once, were again disappointed.

"….While We're Waiting On The Teleprompter, How About I Show You How Well I Can Tap Dance?"

As everyone anxiously awaits to his announcement on how he plans to save jobs, He quickly attempts to "Save His Own".

As everyone anxiously awaits to hear his announcement on how he plans to save jobs, He quickly attempts to “Save His Own”.

You need to wait until they say "Action" before reading the question in the script.

Ask me about my birth cerificate one more time and I'll activate my water pistol necktie.

Oh No! My hands seem to be super glued to the podium again!!

Alright ,that's enough questions. Lets talk about me some more.

Barry livens up his press corpse.

"The NAACP, BET, MTV, and the OWN network are all here, looks like we can get started."

…and that's a perfect example of the kinds of questions you're not allowed to ask.

"After my coronation, these little meetings won't be necessary."

Yes, I am exactly what Willis was talking about!

Let me clear. Nobody told me that Solydra was supposed to profitable….that complicates the whole green energy thing!

And to help people stay warm this winter the DOE will be handing out Solyndra stock shares to burn.

so are you all here to play duck duck goose?

"There will be no mention of the birth certificate here."

"Let me be clear, whoever has the car in the parking lot with the Herman Cain bumper sticker, will be hearing from the I.R.S."

"I'm only answering questions from the good looking female – after all if Bill could get away with sexual harassment, why.can't I? Er' well I have higher standards than Mr. Clinton."

OK — all cameras, microphones, ears and eyes trained on ME?

The mainstream media have one purpose, and one purpose only: to make ME the the center of all attention and make me look GOOD.

"I can't stand the Israelis either" … Wait is this thing on?

"No we didn't make the seal smaller to make me look bigger"

"Let me be clear, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing."

Let me be clear when I tell you that I will not answer any question that are not on the list you were given! Understood?

Now, if I could get FOX NEWS over here with the rest of the media, My job would be so much easier.

"Simon Says, Stand Up!" "sit down"-