According to my watch, I only have a little over a year left in office.

I have to go guys, Jersey Shore is on in five minutes and I forgot to set up my DVR.

So much more to screw up, and so little time to do it…

I have to get out of here, the golf course closes in an hour.

If I tell any more lies, my bullsh*t counter will break.

My lie clock is right on schedule.

I'm trying to beat my "lies per minute" record.

Sorry Folks, time for me to serve soup to the OWC protesters

"So, what's next? Looks like it's time to go screw up the Student Loan Program!"

"451 days, 5 hours, 26 minutes and 3 seconds left in office… but who's counting?"

"Folks, I gotta go. Hannity starts in about 5 minutes!"

"Gotta run… Michelle and I are going out to dinner tonight, and we need to be on Air Force One in about 30 minutes."

"let's see…. If the little hand is on the 3, and the big hand is on the 10…"

"Is it Spring ahead, Fall back, or Spring back, Fall Ahead….I forget!"

Hey, folks, don't leave yet! I've got another 45 minutes of socialist bullsh*t for ya.

Now that we've covered our union thuggery lesson, let's move right on to mob violence and looting.

"C'mon folks, it's only 2:00! Surely, there is something else we can start screwing up this afternoon!"

Whoops! Gotta run…the puppetmaster wants me in his office at noon,and Mr. Soros doesn't like when I'm late.

(Forgot the quotation marks around the above three. Sorry.)

"In a very short time, Americans will look back and realize that my 're-election' was fraudulent and inevitable, but it will be too late."

"…and right about now, the Occupiers are going to all take a dump on a cop car…at least that's the way we planned it."

"At this time, I'd like to thank the mainstream media for aiding, abetting, and getting me where I am today."

" 5 bucks says Michelle is ordering her third Big Mac and super size fries right about now!"

"Golly! Gotta run, or I'll be late meeting my million- and billionaire buddies at the clubhouse."

"Shucks! I was gonna tell ya how the election is rigged, but I've got a 1 o'clock tee time to make."

Almost 1:00. Got to grab my rug and get to prayers.

Big hand is on 2, little hand on 6. I'm so smart!

Obama consults his Jorg Gray Chronometer – the only source of accurate information in his adminstration.

Running out of time. (Thanks God!)

and the kool-aid should be kicking in just about now..

Its 12 O'clock do you know where your jobs are?

Now it's time to introduce my advisors, Ambassodor Rashad Hassan and speechwriter Dalia Mogahed, both dedicated members of the Muslim Brotherhood.

Time to pray! which way is East?

Obama demonstrates his new mini-teleprompter.

Yes Mr. President, that watch was made in China also.

"Anyone know how to read these damn Chinese numbers?"

"And since we are next going to be radically transforming time, my term will never end!"

Is there any way to make time go backwards so I can be popular again?

Does anyone here know how to stop time? I don't want January 2013 to get here.

Can you guys stick around for a few more minutes? I still have more bullsh*t to expel.

…and another American should be losing their job right about now.

Gotta go guys, I have Hugo Chavez waiting for me in my room.

According to my watch, it will be a million years before I create another job.

"Looks like the time has come to 'fess up:
You are totally screwed, America!"

I should have bought a digital watch. I can tell time on those!

I should have bought a digital watch. I can tell time on those.

Speech over! Tee Time!

Trying out his new telepromter watch.

Sorry I have to run but my Dancing with the Stars audition is in 20 min.

Just during this speech, my 2009 stimulus plan has created or saved another 14,000 unemplyment claims.

Just during this speech, my 2009 stimulus plan created or saved another 14,000 unemployment claims.

Four years ago at this time, I would have been watching Glenn Beck on CNN…think how far we've come!

By my reckoning, our credit rating should be downgraded again right…about…NOW!

My watch gives me an idea…we need to start redistributing TIME as well as MONEY!

It's time for another vacation.

Ummmm, applause only lasted 1.1 seconds this time

The Chinease president gave me this watch for California.

"According to my watch, America is as broke as Hammer time."

Mr. Soros gave me specific instructions to stop talking with you in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Times up!

Obama has more time than we have money.

…in 3, in 2, in 1, ding ding ding…$15 Trillion in debt!!!

"I have more time than you have money!"

"Time is on MY side!"

"You've got the money, I've got the time."

"OMG! I gotta get Michelle and get out of here….in one minute 37 seconds, Michelle turns back into a pumpkin!"

"This economy is due to add another job in 3…2…1…"

The first planted question will be asked in 10, 9, 8…

This new wrist sized teleprompter isn't working out that well.

I have a few minutes, let me tell you how I single handedly killed Qaddafi

Why do these solar powered watches NEVER work indoors?

Time for another tax hike!

Tough questions coming in. Oh, look at the time. Gotta go.

Time to kill another non-union job!

Time for another indoctrina… uh.. I mean inspirational speech to my adoring comrades!

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I've been up here 10 seconds already, how much more can I tell you about my plan to revive the economy?

Like he cares…

Where will you be in January 2013???

"When do the telepropters words start coming onto the screen?"

If I can only bullshit them for a few more minutes cause I have a golf game the top of the hour

My oh my how time flies while I've been spending YOUR money.

That's weird, my watch only goes up to January 2013…

When I say go, divide whatever group I've placed you in down to three more sub-factions…

Occupy Stall Street rally at the White House in 2 hours. We will stall economic growth, investigations of my team and then stall 2012 elections. I'm never leaving! (Twinkles up!!!)

What's taking that teleprompter repair man so long?

Oh, gee, look at that, time to create a new tax under the guise of a fake jobs bill.

Looks like it's time for another huge spending proposal

That's right Barry, it's time to go.

Damn. You are right. My watch IS on backwards

My broken watch is right twice a day, two times more than me….

During my second term, I'll wear my 18k Patek Philippe Grand Complications that Soros gave me.

YOU FOLKS REMEMBER MY SPEECH FROM THAT OTHER TOWN I WAS IN YESTERDAY? GOOD 'CAUSE I CAN STILL GET IN EIGHTEEN HOLES, IF I DON'T GO THROUGH THIS CRAP AGAIN!

It's always a Bad 'Sign' when Mickey's Hands are covering his butt!

You Think My Mickey Mouse Watch says a lot about ME! You Should See the 'Goofy' Watch I gave Biden!

Allrighty-then, I have T-Time in 20 minutes, you jokers are going to have to figure out this "jobs thing", (or lack there of), on your own.

The OWS protesters should start chanting "4 more years"… Right-about…. Now!

I had a plan to put people back to work but it's almost my tee time !

It's been 23 minutes since I have been on national TV. Does Chevy Chase still have a talk show?

Nope, it's not time for me to grow up yet.

"Let's see, the buck will stop here..right..about…well, never."

Um, let's see if I remember this; when Mickey's little hand is on the…..

If I time this just right I can preempt coverage of Sarah Palin again.

D*mn! I'm good! Only 43 minutes and another thousand students converted!

Every 12 seconds a person is murdered or raped thanks to the GOP.

Get ready America…Your economy will destruct in 5…4….3…..

I've got plenty of time left to screw up more things….it's a long time til election day!

Lets see how many other people I can blame for the economy in under a minute.

Oh wow, is it time for golf again? Someone get Air Force 1&2 ready.

How much time do we have left before you vote me out?

What is taking the teleprompter repairman so long?

Folks, we will hit $15 trillion in 5…4…3…2…1…