Obama reaches for his copy of the Pocket Constitution – something he has never read.

What, me worry? I've got platinum!

Anyone got a cig?

Let me check my tee time schedule

"Don't make me pull out my Blackberry!"

Somebody's been watching too many Chicago gangster movies.

If you don't vote for this bill, I'll flash you a photo of Nancy Pelosi!

Campaign managers have had limited success convincing Obama to drop his crotch salute for a hidden-hand-over-the-heart move during the National Anthem.

I got my birth certificate right here in my walle….. MICHELLE GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET!!!!

Let me whip this out…

Buddy, you just made my list

As the magician he is, watch his other hand.

I'm gonna bust a cap in yo ass

Bad impression of Al Capone.
Even worse impression of a President.

You just wait!! I know I have a heart around here somewhere!

Obama has pulled all the tricks out of his ass; now let's see what he has up his sleeve.

America's first gangsta president

Thug

Sit down and shut up so I can take Mr. Soros' call!

Hold on, I'm trying to find my common sense.

trying to find the "easy" button

I know Joe Biden's in here somewhere…

I think I have a backup teleprompter in here somewhere.

Stop asking tough questions, or I'll sign another spending bill and your grandchild's savings account will get it.

Obama recites the Pledge of Allegiance.
Q: Why is his hand inside his jacket?
A: Because he has his fingers crossed.

Carefull asshole, I didn't ship all my guns to Mexico.

One more question that wasn't approved and I'll pop a cap on yo' ass.

Excuse me while I whip this out…

Oh Sorry Gabby, Didn't mean to startle you.

"and I should just make that check payable to China right?"

Have you guys seen the new Apple pocket teleprompter ?

Why yes, I have the Sharpton approved race card right here in my pocket.

"Oh, I forgot. The Senate's no longer in here."

Another bill. Another slight of hand.

No, it wasn't a real one. I made the sound in my armpit, like this!

Watch yo'self! Don't make me call on my friends from the SEIU!

Where did I put my copy of "Being President" FOR DUMMIES

Hold on, I think I still have some credibility left.

Are you shittin me? Biden said that?

Let me double-check to see if your name is on the list for my next drone strike.

Hold on a sec, I'm finding another thing to blame Bush for.

Lemme see if I can pencil you in. Hmm, let's see here…golf…golf…golf…golf…oh, looks like I won't have an opening until January 2013.

I will show you how to make your checks out, payable to Barry…

Let me find my copy of "Ways to Blame G.W."

I got your wallet right here.

“articulate and bright and clean”

–Joe Biden

"And in THIS pocket I have ALL the money left over after paying the interest on the national debt. With it I'm buying myself lunch at McDonald's from the dollar menu."

Don't make me pull out the race card again…

My nipple itches! I feel another stimulus comin' on.

Hold on while I whip this here out.

Here America let me get you a condom before you bend over ..

Any more questions about Fast & Furious, and I'm gonna pop a cap in your ass.

"I have Holder's pardon right here."

You want me to fix the economy?! — Let me quote you from Chairman Mao's Little Red Book …

Shut up, or I'll give you a taste of my revolutionary backup plan …

No, I'm not going to meddle with Iran the way I meddled with Lybia — and I've got the Peace Nobel Prize to prove it …

Go ahead and keep criticizing me — I'll put you down on my little blacklist right here …

That's it! Now your name is being added to my "secret kill list!"

I'm gonna make you a jobs bill you can't refuse…

And I have my green ca…, I mean, birth certificate right here.

Spending cap?? I'll cap you! I'm from Chicago,sucka!

…and in this pocket I have the Magic Jobs Bill that will save the economy !!!!

"Excuse me while I whip this out"

Now that is not the question we handed you at the door, I am going to have to execute you as a danger to Obama Nation!

My birth certificate is right here, damnit!

Before I answer that question I'm gonna smoke a cigarette.

You wanna talk about Gibson Guitars and equal treatment under the law? Hold on while I whip out my miniature violin.

DAMM FLAG PIN!!!!!!!!

"I'll pick up the tab, I can always print more money."

of course i knew about Fast & Furious! I've got one of the guns right here…

I forgot my checkbook – just put it on my tab.

I have Eric Holder's pardon right here should he need it.

And the next NATO occupation goes to…let me get the envelope.

I've got my birth certificate right here.

Go ahead, Beck. I dare you to say that again.

No Drama Obama

OH, YEAH? WELL SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND–I GOT A COPY OF OUR NEW SOCIALIST CONSTITUTION RIGHT HERE!

FOUNDING FATHERS? MAC DADDY'LL GIVE YOU A FOUNDING FATHER–I GOT A COPY OF OUR NEW SOCIALIST CONSTITUTION RIGHT HERE!

I have my Al Sharpton approved race card right here. I'm just waiting until now to use it.

Looks like I left my race card in my jeans when I was playing basketball.

Right here is a list of EVERY job I saved or created!

Ugh oh…Michelle did it again…

My nipple ring is pinching the heck out of me!

I bet you my last pack of smokes…

I have a Constitution I wrote and it says I CAN!

"You REALLY want to ask me that?! What's your name so I can talk to your editor?"

Before we begin, I'd like to give you your list of pre-approved questions.

Okay, who let the Fox News guy in here again?

"Don't make me take your money the hard way……."

Alright, who's the wise guy who put the American Flag on my lapel??

Pizza's on me! Wait! I forgot my wallet. Pizza's on the tax payers!