There installing a 18 hole golf course out back to try to get me to stick around Washington more.

If elected, I will not run…if nominated, I'm hitch-hiking my ass outta here.

wait a minute…I said that wrong…it should be…

If nominated, I will not run…if elected, I'll hitch-hike my ass outta here.

I'll begin my address with a word to all of you who love freedom…
you can just leave, now!

Bullshit line begins behind me

That flag that used to be back there? Think of it as American history.

Now it's time for whitey to get in the back of the bus. We muslims are taking over… er…I mean… uh. I am not a muslim. I AM NOT a muslim.

Is Joe back there making monkey faces again?

Can you guess where this thumb has been since I became president?

I can fix everything, but these republicans back here just keep standing in my way….

If you unplug that Teleprompter, I'll have your ass thrown out of here…next pre-approved question please…

I know people that know people..so be careful

I know I am having a hard time giving myself a thumbs up for what I have done so far

If you want to hitch a ride with me, I have air force 1 available 24/7, or is it 27/4?

After the reading of the Koran you guys gotta check this out. I just shit all over the constitution.

Look. Healthcare reform, entitlement spending, raising the debt ceiling through the roof, whatever…it's my way or the highway. Get used to it.

Of the people?…by the people?…for the people? That stuff's outta here.

I signed copies of Das Kapital for everyone. Help yourself.

You'll find the economy, the Constitution, along with jobs and your freedoms in back with the rest of the garbage

If I don't start getting my way, I'm going to sneak out the same back door that all of JFK and Clinton's whores used.

All aboard the Obama Express. Listen to this whistle! Whooo Whoooooooo!

How did I get in the White House? Same way I got in the country – the back door!

Alright Americans – back of the bus!

MY BUDGET PROPOSAL? OH THAT…I BELIEVE THE DOG ATE IT.

Don't worry I'll show myself out the back

Why not step out back so I can take your kneecaps out

And Y'all better pray nothing happens to me because Biden is in the back, just waiting to take control.

One more tough question like that and I'll put your ass in the cage where I keep Janet.

One more tough question like that and you'll be eating Michelle's organic crap with me for lunch.

The next one who asks me about "wealth redistribution"
gets his ass "redistributed" out the door.

Yes, I'll be glad to define "fair approach."
It means my way or the highway.

Oops. Meant to type "balanced approach" in above caption, not "fair." Excuse me.

You think this question & answer period is going to go on forever? I've got Chavez waiting in a golf cart outside and he gets mad when I take too long.

I'll just move back to the country where I was born if I don't get re-elected.

There's doughnuts in back for everyone…except you folks from Fox News.

Look, stick to the pre-approved questions or get the f#*k outta' here.

I had the US flag locked up in the back closet in case any of you want to know where it is.

Can I bum a ride to China?

It's BUSH's fault, he's hiding back there—go get him!