Who let Weiner in to this event?

Does Socialism require a capital "S" or a small "s"?

How do I get this weirdo to stop ogling me?

Why are the words on this teleprompter so small?

ALL OF MY SUBJECTS WILL OBEY AND EMBRACE OBAMACARE WHEN I SHOW THEM HOW EASY IT WILL BE TO BUY MANDATORY HEALTH INSURANCE ONLINE.

Uh, how do I get Apple and Microsoft under government control?

"Press any key to continue." Hmm. Now, where's that damned ANY key…?…

Doesn't anyone want to know how well I golfed today?

Joe normally gives me a treat after I speak, I wonder if Tweeting counts?

Let me find that video of Bush opening the wrong door that will take some pressure off me. They will eat that up!

How do I private message Anthony Weiner? He's peaked my curiousity and I need to have a sit-down with him in the Oval Office. Notify security we are not to be "interpreted" as being disturbed. He's got pics of Mikkie also.

How do I spin this in 140 characters or less without looking like an ass ?

"Well, that does it. VCU just busted my bracket!"

He's not gonna suck his thumb, is he?

Hmm…maybe I shouldn't be licking my fingers after using Weiner's computer.

Only the people in this room will see this, right?

All these figures show that gas prices, unemployment, inflation and the national debt have all gone UP since I took office. Is there a key on here that will put all the blame on Bush?

Damn that Al Gore for inventing the internet!

Is there a key that will delete all that 2008 "Hope & Change" stuff from the record by November, 2012?

The Twit Tweets a Twat in Twitter

I think i've got it: the program it Twitter, you send a tweet, and I'm a twit.

What's next? Oh yeah…A-L-L-A-H-U A-K…

"I thought I un-followed Weiner."

Why didn't somebody warn me how many of those d*** Tea Party people were on Twitter BEFORE I signed up?

You promised this was easier than the teleprompter.

What do you mean, nobody is screening these questions???

How do I subscribe to Kim Jong Il's twitter feed again?

Hmm "Ctrl Alt Delete" doesn't work…I wonder if it will magically obey me after I type in "Change"

Where's the "any" key?

Uhh, how do I sign on again?

This "president" is an idiot; he doesn't even know how to use a laptop.

You really don't know how to work that computer, do you!!

n-i-f-t-y dot o-r-g, right??

Shh, don't tell me. I know this one. The 58th state is…

i sure wish that strapping young lad would quit grinning at me coquettishly, i'm forgetting my friggin' password here.

What are all these funny buttons for?

#askobama Are you a flake?

This could be embarrassing. The last time I borrowed Bill's laptop it was infested with porn.

This thing needs a "blame on Bush" key.

What's "half honkey, all donkey" mean?

Who knew Republicans knew how to use Twitter. Can we filter these comments ?

Hmmm. I will have to find the answer to this question. What comes after a trillion?