And that's how I will soon make Americans understand that they must either omit "One nation under God" or I will replace it with "One nation, under Allah."

FIRST WE SLYLY OMIT "ONE NATION UNDER GOD." THEN WE INSERT "ONE NATION UNDER ALLAH." IT'S JUST THAT EASY.

Honestly Mr. President, I don't see how we can take God out of the Bible.

It's going to take longer than a couple minutes to explain who GOD is.

Mr.President, God called, he said to tell you he's a republican

Hey I know you, didn't you used to be Robin Leach? BTW where can I get some some of those robes?

"Mr. President, what did the five fingers say to the face?"

No, you can not turn this into a basketball court.

I'm sorry Mr. President, but I will not say "God Damn America" in my remarks during the service today.

The Messiah counsels lowly earthling.

Turn this Church over to the Muslims, & I will do my best to remember to acknowledge God in our 'Pledge of Allegiance'.

No, Jesus was an actually, living person.

No, Jesus was a spiritual leader. I would call his time he "community organizing."

No,Mr. President. Your books don't qualify as Holy Scripture.

Me? Read the Bible? Why,just last night I was reading about Moses landing in Eden on the Ark with thirty pieces of silver and…

As a man of the cloth it is taking all my willpower to prevent me from slapping the shit out of you Mr. President.

Mr. President, you look skinnier in person.

No, Mr. President I don't think this country was founded on Christian-Islamo principles…

No Mr. President, flying in a corporate jet is not one of the seven deadliest sins.

The church does appreciate your offer, but we already have a god.

Let me be clear. I want it changed to "Render unto Obama…"

(Obama thought) "Who is this? Am I supposed to kiss his hand or bow? Where's the teleprompter when I need one?"

Since I can't blame shutting down NASA on Bush, I think I will make it a Conspiracy by the Masons

It looks like these guys have a nice place, I wonder how I can tax them.

Does that resurrection stuff work on an economy too?

No, this is a folder holding my sermon, not a concealed Kindle with the Koran.

Mr. President, look, here's why you don't need to bow to me.

No, Mr. President, this is the Catholic Church. The Mosque is just down the street.

Allah and infidel