Relax everyone… we're not bankrupt yet… we still have paper and ink available!

Hold your applause until I'm done wiping with the Constitution.

Nothing up my sleeves and not a thought in my head.

Everyone just calm down and stick with me, I'm almost done the on the job training part of this gig

STOP TAPE! Where are the glass screens with words on 'em?

You don't need to see my identification.
I'm not the illegal you're looking for.
I can go on about my business.
Move along.

Yawl quit laffin' when I say I'm uh…uh…a Christian. Quite now. I said quite. Shut the hell up already! I'm getting a little wee wee'd here …..

Is it to much to ask that just once this podium face Mecca like I requested ?

"Please save your 'You lie!' comments for the end or we'll be here all night."

Now calm down everyone. I know I promised change… but converting this country to socialism is taking a little longer than I thought.

Hold on a minute! The teleprompter is stuck.

Let me be clear… ummm… I ummm… what was the question again?

Now wait a minute… y'all are supposed to be worshiping me… remember?

"Please refrain from shouting 'You lie!' until the end or we'll be here forever."