"Jobless claims went up again ?! Didn't I tell you people to fudge the numbers ?"

Uh,yes,I'm calling about a vacation rental.

Yeah, Nancy , I want you to push a bill through allowing presidents who lose there job to claim unemployment…make it quick.

Yeah, so November we lose everything, I got it. So what am I supposed to do around here for the next 2 years?

Hello Rich? Yeah Rahm wants your job when you get out. Got those "special" ballots printed up yet?

Amerika, can you hear me now?

For Farsi, press one….

…you have reached 1-900-DIAL-ALLAH, the charges for this call are $1 million dollars per minute, press 1 for Farsi, press 2 for English…

…yes dear… I know dear… but Michelle… it's MY turn to be President this week…

Eric, I don’t see a problem with suing Arizona, get it done. We need the votes!

"We're gonna need another two trillion to keep your records under wraps. Pass it on."

"Tell me quick about Hugo and Kim. Did he kiss him and cry?"

"You Have Reached the Political Suicide Assistance Hotline"

"You've reached The National Assisted Political Suicide Helpline…where thwarting the will of the people rules"

"ooh ahhhhhh…yes…you are The One…yes you are"

"mmm…mmm…mmm…You're The One…Press the pound sign to repeat"

…and Hurricane "Tea Party" has developed into a catagory 7 storm and is sure to score a direct hit on the US mainland early in November".

……what do you mean someone found my real birth certificate ? !