I’d like another pen to sign spending bills with.
Mine’s running out of ink.

Sorry to be the one who has to tell you,
but the consensus is your home town is melting!

I’m not one to be a snitch, but that Sarah Palin said five people in her family voted “yes” and it only could have been four.

I still have the lump of coal you gave me after I returned from Indonesia!

Damned straight I can give it all away faster!!!!

Uh sorry folks but uh you can’t get uh health coverage under uh MY new plan. Uh that’s what uh death panels are for uh.