Before I sell you these Marlboros do you have any proof of age…like a birth certificate? Ha Ha, just kidding Mr. President.

The Vice President will be along in a minute.
He's still trying to figure out which end of the golf tees go in the holes.

Or how about…

The Vice President will be here shortly.
He's still trying to find that missing golf tee.

charley, you're good!

I had the waffles, the girls all had pancakes, and Joe just had dry Cheerios on a plate.

(thanks ToBe but you shouldn't encourage me)

Don't think I didn't notice that almost half of the busboys were black.

Could you move to the left a bit, you're blocking the teleprompter.

"That comes to $50.00 even."

"Got it right here, $57.00 even."

"No…fifty."

"That's what I said…fifty-seven."

"So how far is it to DC from here?"

"If you take I-95 you should get there in about 2 hours provided the police don't act stupidly."

Could you tell me where the men's "wee-wee'd up" room is?

Caption for the No Voting picture:

"Just try to blend in."